Own

Van Hoy Knife Clip

When the wallet died, the money-clip became king. But now that every chump in town carries a clip, the hot new trend is gripping your cash in a weapon: the Van Hoy Snap Lock 2.

At first glance, the Van Hoy appears equipped only for cleaving the tendons of hoodlums, or slicing open fiendishly well-sealed care packages from your nana, Ruth. However, this three inch tool of death comes with a belt-clip we've found to be perfect for holding folded loot. The result is a dangerously fashionable new home for your Benjamins that, because of its high carbon stainless steel construction, will maintain its functionality years after other money-clips have been bent and stretched into uselessness, much like Carmen Electra.

Some Van Hoy technical specs:

  • The opening mechanism was designed so that both normal righties and sinister, left-handed deviants could deploy the blade with equal ease.
  • The patent-pending lock becomes even tighter when the "hilt" is gripped, so your bid to become Super Mario Bros. Champion of the Universe won't be tragically cut short by the loss of a thumb.
  • Far from a novelty item, the Hoy 2 was designed by Ed Van Hoy, whose Snap Lock 1 took 2004 Overall Knife of The Year honors from Blade magazine -- which in the cutlery world is like winning an Oscar, a Golden Globe, and an Adult Video News Woody all at once.

When you whip out your Van Hoy, other guys will wilt with impotency. It's almost impossible to own a walletesque item that will make you feel more superior -- unless of course you've gotten your hands on the elusive but terrifying nunchuck coin purse.