Oscar Night Drinking Game

The Deity Clause: Every time someone gives an acceptance speech thanking God, call a social -- then thank God for inventing beer

Pity Party: Drink every time an award goes to someone as Oscar penance for not having won when they really should have (i.e., Martin Scorsese, Peter O' Toole)

The ED Shout: Yell the brand name of a penis pill every time the camera cuts to Clint Eastwood, O'Toole, or Alan Arkin. Last one to shout out, drinks

Your Highness: Every time The Queen is announced as a nominee everyone must stand, balance a freshly opened beer on his head, and curtsy. If you spill, finish the beers of everyone who didn't -- then enroll in finishing school

Animated Upset: If Pixar doesn't win "Best Animated Feature", everyone drinks. Drink twice if Happy Feet wins. Drink seven beers if you saw Happy Feet

Pity Party Part 2: Drink every time a critically gouged film is mentioned as a nominee in a technical category, i.e., Poseidon for "Visual Effects" and Adam Sandler's Click for... "Best Makeup"

Murphy's Law: Every time Eddie Murphy's name is mentioned, everyone stands and sings the chorus to "Party All The Time." Last one to finish singing drinks.

Ellen's Dance: If Ellen DeGeneres dances on stage, hold your own "Running Man" marathon. First person to wretch from having over-frothed the beer in his stomach drinks

The Partisan Media Clause: Anyone mentions George Bush, registered Republicans drink; Obama, Dems drink; if someone mentions Ralph Nader independents must have sex with a compost heap