Flexpetz

It's easy to fixate on a dog's capacity for furry companionship and attracting...er...bitches, but in reality, ownership means unending dependence, responsibility, and handling steaming poop. Deal with Fido on your terms: Flexpetz. Servicing LA and San Diego, Flexpetz is essentially a timeshare for dogs, set up so having a "best friend" doesn't rule out going home with strange women, spontaneous getaways, and deliberate getaways to avoid strange women you went home with. Breeds range from frisbee-worthy Labs, to creepy little Italian Greyhounds that could outrun your car. To get started, members take an hour-long, one-on-one class with a trainer to bone up on easy commands, basic dog psychology, and no-no's like feeding the dog a pan of brownies. Once checked out, you can reserve a member of FP's furry crew for anywhere from a few hours to a week. The service'll deliver your buddy right to your home, and collect him when you're done -- almost as if you and Flex had met in college but eventually drifted apart, never talking or making love until you were just strangers brushing your teeth next to one another. Thoughtfully, membership also includes (for you to keep) a dog bed, leash, food and water bowls, and doggie chow -- which should last a while, due to your sporadic, at-will ownership, and your total disappointment with its "tastes like chicken" claim.