Cook: Valentine's Day Tapas with Agavero Tequila Feb 14; Chef's Inc; 10955 W Pico Blvd, West LA 310.470.2277; ChefsInc.Net Girlfriends want to spend VDay with their special guys; guys want to spend it with their special liquor. As a saucy compromise, hit this tequila-based tapas class, where besides basting chicken with agave, you'll also freely imbibe cactused cocktails like "The Aphrodisiac" -- a deliciously effective alternative to musk-scented candles and Drums of the Jungle Vol. 9
Buy: Frederick's of Hollywood Feb 9, 5-8pm; 6751 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood; 310.957.5953 Make reservations here When buying a woman lingerie, it's tough figuring out when an item crosses over from "Okay, I'll wear it, but only for you" to "Get out of my car you swine". Cut out the guesswork on Friday, when a by-appointment expert'll be on hand to make sure whatever you grab (at 20% off) showcases your lady's nipples in only the most tasteful manner
Eat: WhyCookLA.com Did you punt on romantic restaurant reservations? Then order in from WCLA, a service that delivers meals from high-end restaurants like Sushi Roku and Massimo. Now all that stands between you and fake-holiday bliss'll be the tower of pizza boxes you've been using as furniture
Go: Primo Block Party Feb 12-14; 8590 Sunset Blvd, Hollywood; 310.289.8995; ILovePrimo.com Poor? Instead of presenting your girlfriend with flowers obviously stolen from municipal plantings, hit Caffe Primo's opening. The coffee-and-gelato haven will be offering visitors free bags of Euphora Apothecary bath/body products as well as a raffle for prizes like a day of pampering at Bella Nails -- a gift you should hand over to her, no matter how badly shredded your cuticles are from road median daisies
Service: SaveMyAss.com If all the preceding information was hopelessly confusing, visit savemyass.com. If you still can't maintain a relationship with the help of this idiot-proof service, please refer to wishicouldgetass.com.