As the burger industry's inclusive hiring policies might suggest, any high school dropout/child molester can flip a patty or flame a dog. To become a true BBQ beast, register now to lock up a spot at The California Barbecue Association's skills-and-grills seminar. Structured to make you a master of meats from chicken breast to pork butt, these intensive 2-day classes are led by Chris Lilly, declared the country's best pig roaster by the Wall Street Journal (the Guns and Ammo of open-air cuisine journalism). Day one covers beef and swine, progressing to ribs and chicken on day two, a veritable Noah's Ark of tender lunch. Among the pearls Lilly'll cast before you are highly advanced smoking, wrapping, and resting techniques -- the very skills that have gotten you blearily kicked out of many a sauna. Best of all, Lilly'll be giving private consultation over the course of the seminars -- which could result in him telling you that you're competition-ready, or advising you to fill out an application for Arby's.