Most sneaker DIY programs involve a riot of colored shoe panels so psychotic, even a camo tongue can't hide the hideousness. Instead, get hand-crafted personalization with Stampd' LA.
SLA uses Converse's classic Chuck Taylors as the canvas for original artwork that's personally painted by unsurprisingly named founder Christopher Stamp. Just choose your size and color, then visit their weekly-updated database to select your art -- from a lethal fleet of helicopters, to a lethal fleet of cigarettes. If choppers/smokes don't do it for you, pay a small premium and email Stamp your logo/design/mugshot, but be warned: venerate your love of lamb chops, and your feet will be devoured by wild dogs.
Unlike most bespoke work, turnaround's lightning fast -- two days after ordering they'll be on the way to your feet, ready for the final phase of customization: a psychotic riot of spilled condiments.