Food & Drink

BYOBandits

BYOBs are great in theory, but usually it's too late by the time you figure out there's no way their plate of yellowtail could stand up to your glass of it. Doing the dirty work for you, the BYOBandits.

A pair of self-described "twentysomethings with little to lose", the ski-masked Bandits behind BYOB're casting a wide net in reviewing Chi's bring-your-own scene, claiming: "We're striving for more than just good food and a cheap night out; we're searching for adventure", though their bowels might claim going out after all that food and booze is adventure enough. Some musings:

On fusion cuisine and adolescent gender relations: "The French and Mexican elements of Sabor Saveur's menu sometimes got along as well as guys and girls at a Junior High dance, resulting in some awkward moments and surprisingly few handjobs", though if that's what they were looking for, they should've gone B.Y.O.Z(ima).

On spice: "Ma makes your tongue burn, your mouth numb and your body tingle; a disorienting spice that makes you wonder if you were poisoned ('Do you think this is because we asked them to turn on the music?'). Oh, and it was banned in the United States for almost 40 years." So...Roman Polanspice?

On your mom: "Jam doesn't make French toast the way your mom does. It's good (they sous vide it). Served alongside macerated rhubarb and pink peppercorns. Like I said, Food + Wine's Top 10 list... Makes you think your mom's kind of a bitch, right? You said it, don't blame us." Actually, no, you just said it. But yeah, she's a bitch.

They also offer practical advice on activities like opening a bottle of bubbly, i.e., "Always, ALWAYS aim the bottle of champagne at your most timid friend in the room", and if they run away, just launch it at their yellow tail.