Dream therapy from man's best doctor friend

Because Miss Cleo only tells fortunes and Magic Eight Balls sometimes get stuck on "Reply hazy, try again," submit your dreams for analysis by a surprisingly sane, weirdly professional, exquisitely dressed hound, who goes by the name Professor Fecalhorfer, even though technically, he only has his master(s). Choice interpretations that would make Jung play dead include:

The Canine Uniform Thief Living in a town within a strip mall disproportionately populated by dogs, the dreamer's owner has a "notorious reputation for 'borrowing' uniforms" (UPS guy, sheriff, etc.) without permission. Analysis:"The fact that you have set the canines in your dream up as "residents" of the town (rather than mere "pets", an insulting term that the Professor does not truck with), tells the Professor that you are actually fit to cohabitate with a canine. Good for you! Not all humans are, you know. However, your dog does seem a bit out of control in his identity politics."

The Runaway Train Operator An almost-wet dreamer's kissing a former classmate when the dream suddenly shifts to the engine car of a speeding commuter train where he's stuck with no idea how to drive it. Analysis:"Trains have long been associated with sexuality in dreams (my colleague, Dr. Freud, believed that dreams involving train travel indicate a latent desire for sexual intercourse, but then of course he believed that about most things). The Professor would venture to guess that this dream represents an ongoing struggle to manage your sexuality, a struggle that you feel is both necessary and obligatory." Excellent critique! You're the man now, dog!!

To get your own twisted nightmare analyzed, submit the most detailed account possible and the Professor will vet it based on his "interest and expertise on the topic", which basically translates into how long you're going to make him sit.