A tipsy jaunt through SE's merry-makers

A passport gives you a sense of freedom, a way to identify your nationality in foreign lands, and if it's Ned Ryerson's voice that Robert Redford's team taped at a dim sum dinner, unlimited access to the fake toy company run by an evil Ben Kingsley. Verifying you for SE PDX: The Distillery Row Passport & Tour.

Recently uniting as a non-profit organization, the row booze-smiths're seeking to increase the profile of their SE hood by launching the Distillery Row Passport, a handsome book giving you exclusive passage to tasting rooms and discounts at area shops, plus guided row tours from people-powered PDX Pedicab, a journey you'll likely enjoy so much you'll have to go door-to-door, and tell your neighbors you're a pedi-phile. Your gold-embossed Passport acts as a row map and relieves you of pesky tasting fees, and also scores deals at partnering businesses like Sassy's strip club (offering cheap row liquor 'tails), or discounted pizza from Sizzle Pie, which's great, but you did read that part about Sassy's, right? Those orange chariots will whisk you from House Spirits, to Deco, to New Deal, to Integrity, with shuttles to outliers like Stone Barn Brandyworks, and Bushwhacker Cider, a tour described by a recent participant as having "too much alcohol"...shut up, pledge!!

Because these are some with-it booze barons, the Passport also includes scannable QR codes for each entry to easily phone-access businesses' pages on the Passport site, which're loaded with helpful information on hours and updates on additional discounts, ensuring there aren't too many secrets, Marty.