Food & Drink

A visual/actual feast

The only thing as rare as a great steak is a strip club you’d feel comfortable eating one in. Until now, that is, thanks to Rachel's South Beach Steakhouse & Cabaret, officially grand-opening next weekend

Rachel's looks nothing like either a steakhouse or a cabaret, thanks to approximately infinity red/purple/blue strobe lights, mirrors galore, and a neon back-lit bar manned by ‘tenders who traded period-specific mustaches and suspenders for corsets and garters. Oh, and also the pole-equipped landing strip cutting right through the middle of the joint, for strippers. To strip on. So yeah, just keep serving those Bloomin' Onions, Outback

Sit back at any stage-viewing seat in the joint, spread your classy white napkin over your Umbros, and wait for waitress service to deliver you USDA Prime cuts including 16oz rib eyes and New York strips, 8oz filets, Cajun sushi-grade tuna steaks, jumbo shrimp stuffed w/ lump crab, and, keeping tightly in theme with the rest of the place, New Zealand rack of lamb

They've even got a classed-up, elevated dining area (still with stage views, never fear), which’ll double as homebase for a much-classier-than-Bare Necessity’s midday buffet complete with carved turkey and prime rib, a meal designed for people for whom going to work is also extremely rare.