They're not shorts at all
There’s nothing worse than seeing someone else at a party with the exact same Coed Naked Jai Alai shirt (Cradling the Ball & Whipping It Hard!), which’s why you definitely need something from TShorts, a line of totally custom, wearable works of art creator Tyler Short (ahhhh...) permanent-markers-up with unreal, generally pop-culture-driven designs, which can take up to nine hours apiece to create.
While there are some premade designs up for grabs, most are created just for you -- just email Tyler with what you want (as specific as a screenshot of Gilbert Gottfried, as abstract as a portrait of Gilbert Gottfried... oil wrestling with Bruce Vilanch! Circle takes the square!!), and Short will have your masterpiece to you in a matter of days.
Past looks have been all over the board: Muddy Waters with a cig, a young Michael Jackson, the bloodied mug of PDX celeb stripper/mohawk advocate Malice, and Hunter S. Thompson firing a magnum, presumably at whoever directed the The Rum Diary.
As Short gears up for a June showcase at SW shoe haven Solestruck, expect more non-commissioned tees to hit his site, meaning coeds won't have to see you naked as you wander around Portland State.