Lifestyle

The craziest karaoke bottle service joint ever

Quite possibly the awesomest basement party not involving a Sega Saturn and a 3DO (man, Kevin's parents are so cool!), Russian-born Jelsomino has tucked itself beneath the Dream New York, and'll blow your mind more than a year's supply of Kevin's dad's Playboys ever could with its insane mash-up of club, karaoke & burlesque elements. If you've ever been trapped in a wealthy rock 'n roll fanatic's opulent wine cellar, you live a weird life, and already know exactly what to expect: chandeliers, leather banquettes loaded with buckets of ice & flutes, Saturday Night Fever-style light-up stages, and a bar lined with director's chairs sporting names like Hendrix, Joplin, and Mercury, though they probably won't let too many fat bottomed girls through the door.The main draw's the unheard-of-bonkers karaoke, but to partake, you have to reserve an extremely-bottle-ready table by one of the stages, then peruse the personal, song-loaded iPad they deliver. Once selected, prepare yourself, because the highly trained backup singers & dancers who've been delivering Tina Turner-level performances all night will wrap you in their dulcet embrace, and simultaneously distract from your bottle-shattering performance with a Step Up 2: The Streets-level choreographed dance.But wait, there's more! In addition to stocking enough bottles to get anyone's Journey wheels turning in the sky, there's a tight cocktail list from an Apotheke alum, meaning cilantro-infused martinis, and a mix of Beluga Gold Vodka & dry vermouth that's finished with Osetra caviar, the only suitable choice if you're actually a Playboy from the '70s.