Dropping Tuesday from stripperly named non-stripper Miss Demeanor, a craft mistress who may have worked as an evil henchwoman for Carmen Sandiego, and who was actually fired by Martha Stewart after one day as a P.A., is Criminal Crafts: Outlaw Projects for Scoundrels, Cheats, and Armchair Detectives. The rough-and-tumble tome guides you through easily creating evil goods like a replica of the soap gun John Dillinger used to escape jail, a yellow-taped messenger bag resembling a crime scene, and felonious cocktails including Molotovs, which are totally the bomb.
- The Case-the-Joint Caddy, a violin case retrofitted not to hold Antonio Banderas's many guns, but to act as a traveling bar, complete with cocktail glasses, mixers, booze, and everything else you'd need to actually enjoy this month's 3675th bluegrass festival.
- A prison-caliber flattened fork laced with wire for dissolving sugar cubes over absinthe, which could serve as an impromptu shank if any surly green fairies come out of the wormwoodwork.
- A ransom note kit that converts a cigar box into an alphabetically ordered repository of cut-out magazine letters to paste into love letters to people who don't love you back, which's exactly why you kidnapped their pants-peeing son in the first place.
- Baking directions for cooking files, phones, and other non-edibles into cakes, to pass off to prisoners (note: cooking Wentworth Miller's back tattoos into cakes slightly more difficult, and not covered here).
Other highlights for lowlifes:
To celebrate the release, Demeanor's hijacking the Someday Lounge Tuesday night starting at 6p, when you can grab flaming cocktails from the book and a Criminal Crafts Barley Bock specially created by Upright Brewing. The megalomaniacal domination continues with a Friday the 13th appearance at Bridge City Comics and an April 29th workshop at Murder by the Book -- helpful information Justin Case you run into that evil Carmen Sandiego while stealing the Mason-Dixon Line.