Cards you won't want to give away

If a great business card can get you butchered to the catchy riffs of "Hip to Be Square", then a Cardissimo card could get you butchered to an even more exemplary Huey Lewis song, like "If This is It", or "Doin' It All for My Baby". The London concern's fully bespoke (colours, graphics, lettering, etc) ego proxies are laser-cut from a single sheet of carbon fibre, then hand-coloured, varnished & polished during a two-day process that leaves them with a "holographic sheen", which answers a lot of questions about his remarkable drug tolerance.

Of course it would be idiotic to sheathe such fine cards in an inferior holder, which is why, on top of a carbon-fibre model, Cardissimo also offers hardwood cases with easy-access thumb-holes, including:

Dark Ziricote: The grain's unique "spiderweb" pattern will trap your prey in a state of frozen rapture, which will get super-awkward very quickly.

Santos Palisander: Not only is this Brazilian rosewood used in a lot of guitars, it actually sounds like the name of a Brazilian guitarist.

Light Flamed Maple: Whip this out, and your business enemies will assume you're as inconsequential and weak as Canada. Then you'll overwhelm them with your power... of love.