Travel

Zipline rollercoaster. Get some.

Choose Your Own Adventure books were the greatest, except for the fact that you could technically only choose one adventure -- oops, you've been eaten by a telepathic alien dinosaur who didn't want you finding his dragon treasure, and also... Ghost Train

Removing the annoying choosing aspect from your next adventure is Florida EcoSafaris: a 4700-acre wildlife conservatory just off Yeehaw Junction that just dropped an all-in-one ticket that'll let you scream like a small child on all of its crazy rides in a single day, including four brand-new thrillers like the nation's first zipline rollercoaster. If you'd like to be awesome, turn to page 23 the paragraphs below

The Rattlesnake: "The first-of-its-kind ride in the USA", this sucker's basically a scaled-down version of an inverted, or hanging, coaster, except you're always in the front row after getting launched off a 65ft-high platform, then twisting and dipping through 1000ft of treetop-winding track. (Note: also dipping Skoal not recommended.

Peregrine Plunge: Not actually a pool party at the Gansevoort that's completely full of birds of prey, this plunge is the "longest single straightaway zipline in Florida" (1300ft), and will rocket you off a 71ft-high platform at a tear-assing 30mph

Panther Pounce: In this one, a panther literally just jumps on you and tears you to shreds. Or, you leap off a 68ft platform, bungee-style. Definitely one of those

Swooping Crane: Pull the ripcord at 55ft to drop through the trees, before being able to control your side-to-side movement during a ride they say "starts out thrilling, ends up relaxing", much like that Choose Your Own Adventure book about presumed Russian Ninja Ghosts who end up being masseuses.