Private vineyards you can almost afford to buy

Sick of bi-weekly Trader Joe’s wine runs and the ensuing hangovers from Two-Buck Chuck? Buy a vineyard! No, really, for the amount of crappy vino you buy on the reg + the cost of your rent, you may as well have a backyard full of free booze. Welcome to the lush life. 

New Mexico Vineyard

Where: La Madera, NM
How much: $449,000
Number of rooms: Six (three in the main house and three in the guest house)
Acreage: 6.91
Most baller amenity (besides the vineyard): We've already pointed out that you've got an entirely separate house for guests. But you've also got five and a half bathrooms -- the half exists solely for disposing of bad bottles of plonk. Or good ones. Why? Because you can.
All you'll be drinking: Any kind of French-Hybrid grape varietals.

Vines, mountains, house

Where: Paarl, South Africa
How much: $739,638
Number of bedrooms: Three
Acreage: 25
Most baller amenity (besides the vineyard): This equestrian-friendly vineyard comes with six stables and a dressage arena (that's horse dancing to you). Asides from wine, there’s also more than a thousand organic lemon trees and over 500 olive trees. Smell a side business?
All you'll be drinking: Chenin Blanc.


Where: Nanaimo, Canada
How much: $816,618
Number of bedrooms: Three
Acreage: 7.7
Most baller amenity (besides the vineyard): Canada doesn't do baller. Just enjoy owning your own effin' vineyard. 
All you'll be drinking: Pinot Noir, Dunkelfelder, Chardonnay, Bacchus, and Siegerrebe. You're also privvy to some weird dark red champagne experiment.

White house, vineyard

Where: Corvallis, OR
How much: $849,000
Number of bedrooms: Three
Acreage: 11.11
Most baller amenity (besides the vineyard): Lure the ladies in with this gem: “I have a fireplace that opens onto a covered deck with a hot tub and BBQ”.
All you'll be drinking: Pinot Noir, Chardonnay, Pinot Gris, Gewürztraminer, and Pinot Blanc.


Where: Russellville, TN
How much: $950,000
Number of bedrooms: Four
Acerage: 15.8
Most baller amenity (besides the vineyard): You now have a seven-bay garage. Gone are the days of owning just oneridiculous ride -- now that you live in Tennessee and sell your own vino, you can afford one for every day of the week.
All you'll be drinking: Riesling, Stuben, Traminette, Catawba, Concord, and Muscadine.