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Six of the most useless utensils ever

Last night, Stephen Colbert gave a wag of the finger to HAPIfork, a new electronic fork that buzzes when you eat too fast. (Because the looks of disgust from your dinner guests weren't enough.) To borrow from the great Sweet Brown, ain't nobody got time for judgmental cutlery, but HAPIfork is hardly the first oddball utensil to hit the market. Check out five more amazingly unnecessary dining implements that put the "super" in "superfluous"

Dumb-Bell CutleryA buzzing fork might not stop you from shoveling food into your mouth at the speed of a sportscar you can't afford, but one that's also a weight? Dumb-Bell Cutlery's 2.2lb and 4.4lb utensils will make you seriously consider how much you want that extra bite of chili

Dine Ink Pen Utensil SetHow many times has this happened to you: You sit down at your desk for lunch and realize you don't have a spoon, plus you need to sign for a package at the exact same moment. Never, you say? Well, be prepared for when the time comes with these forks, spoons, and knives that are also pen caps

Automated Twirling Spaghetti ForkThere are only two types of people in this world: people who twirl their spaghetti on their spoons and people who cut it. This automated twirling fork spits in the face of those categories, and should be labeled the abomination that it is

Popcorn ForkLook like even more of a lost cause at the Saturday matinee screening of Texas Chainsaw 3D with this popcorn fork (which comes with a built-in salt shaker). Because who cares about dignity when you've got butter-free fingertips

NyforkYes, this is a fork that's also a pizza cutter. Like most cutters, it should probably never have been born.