The Excalibur 3926TB Food Dehydrator is the new kitchen essential: a nine-tray stainless steel tower of jerky-making power. What’s best to dry out in this grand machine? Let take a look. Snack time is nigh. 1. Beef Jerky - Timeless classic. Literally timeless. 2. Turkey Jerky - A tad weaker in flavor, a tad clearer in artery blockage. 3. Human Jerky - Exotic. Illegal. Addictive. 4. Dried Pine Cone - A bit of a dirt-like aftertaste, but a wonderful delicacy. 5. Dried Porcupine - Extremely painful to eat. Surprisingly chewy. Tastes like Capybara (which is not as painful to eat). 6. Dried Ramen - Since it was dry before you added hot water, slightly counterproductive. 7. Dried Week-Old Moldy Leftover Chipotle From The Fridge - Hallucinogenic qualities not advertised in-store. And gross. Really, really gross. Plug nose when eating. 8. Dried Insoles - Unlike everything else on this list, do NOT eat. Does little for smell, but your shoes won't feel swampy in the morning. And though this guy will set you back $300, you'll be the envy of the neighborhood
block party when astroids destroy the surface world.