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Applying the secrets of the ancient Chinese practice... for boning

Using ancient wisdom to impress women is rarely a good idea, but that doesn't stop your dad from recommending you take a broad to the malt shoppe in your T-Bird. A rare exception to that rule is using simple ideas from the 3000+ year old Chinese practice of feng shui to help attract women with a little help from Essential Feng Shui practitioner Lorrie Grillo, who writes the FS blog Restful/ Zestful when she's not transforming people's homes/ offices in the Denver area

THE BEDROOM
Make Your Bed Turns out that making your bed will help you attract a lady to mess it up with later in the day. If you clear your crap off the bed, it shows "signs of an organized mind". But not A Beautiful Mind, because then you'd have to make a wall of newspaper clippings connected by string

Get A Frame Buying a bedframe is critical, as you "want to be able to have a healthy flow of qi go under/around you". Also, it won't look like you live in a flophouse. A headboard also will make her "feel safer" while she sleeps, and provides something to lean against.

One Is The Loneliest Number Get two nightstands even if you're the only one in your bed every night. This shows you're ready to introduce someone else into your life. If the ladies don't want to stay overnight, then you just scored an additional place to put a glass of water while you're sleeping! Huge win

THE LIVING ROOM
Stop Looking At The TV The center of attention of the room shouldn't be the TV, as it doesn't support conversation and communication with the people in the room with you. Fix that by pointing the seating away from the TV, and have artwork around it so that the eye isn't constantly drawn there.

Clean Up Our expert says that "energy flows where the eye goes", and when there's junk piling up on the floor, the eye goes there, and ultimately, away from the junk on your body

Yang Those Walls Yin-yang symbols aren't just for poorly inked Spring Break tattoos, they're also a way to think about outfitting your place. Undecorated walls are considered masculine/yang, which makes the room seriously "unbalanced". Add some feminine/yin touches like artwork/ pillows/ plants/ blankets

TIPS FOR ALL ROOMS
Don't Be Alone Make sure you and your homies aren't the only ones in the photos on your wall so women stop thinking "'Why would he be interested in me if he's having fun all by himself?'" For the camera-shy, consider investing in artwork that shows "men and women together", though probably not intimately, as only Larry Flynt can get away with displaying art like that

Seriously, Clean Up Clutter makes it so there's physically not enough room for a new lady. Trash that broken coffeemaker sitting in the kitchen and clean the garage, to expand the usable space in your place, and now you're one step closer to filling the huge space in your chest where your heart was once located

Photos by Melody Song, Modern Living 2 Go, Bostinno, Christina Lusk