5. Guns. Lots of Guns.
OK look, we get it. You're an All-American Badass. You walk softly, but carry a .357 Magnum should sh*t ever hit the fan. Maybe you even have a concealed weapons permit? Maybe the gun is such an extension of your own body that you don't even notice it anymore. Fine Mr. Steven Segall, but there's one place you can't bring it, and that's on a F*CKING PLANE.