The FAO Schwarz is with you
Taking your five-year-old nephew to FAO Schwarz isn't the worst -- it's the best!
... this sexy, sexy Twister update featuring tracks from Will Smith's daughter and someone who you refuse to admit has children almost as old as Will Smith's daughter?
Looking at this guy, would you ever expect that the very first toy that caught your attention would be...
Like, even when the world does end you still won't be able to accept the fact that her womb has borne fruit?
LEGOs are still super sweet.
Like, really bad ass.
But they're facing stiff competition from MEGA BLOKS, the only building blok metal enough to never use the letter "C".
And also from nanoblocks, which are similar to pimps who dress effeminately in being so bad ass, they're not afraid of anyone giving them crap for using use lower case letters, or C's.
"Neuschwanstein Castle is a 19th-century Romanesque Revival palace on a rugged hill above the village of Hohenschwangau near Füssen in southwest Bavaria, Germany. IT IS THE ONLY ROMANESQUE REVIVAL PALACE MADE ENTIRELY FROM nanoblocks."
You know what being a true hero is?
Not being afraid to get shot at while wearing this mustache.
This train set comes complete with what every kid wants: a shady dude leaning on a convertible, and a guy who's bald.
... that Daniel Snyder was moonlighting as a toy designer?
Hungry from smoking that giant peace pipe? Well guess what: they got nerds out there this big!
You call this angry?
Learn from the master. This is angry.
All of which leads to you being too fat to safely operate on.
This guy's still spry after lots of pizza!
You could totally crush this. Like, actually crush it.
Always a fun topic for children visiting from Kansas.
Stuffed animals as big as a two-car garage will never go extinct.
How you kill things from the air in Halo.
How you kill things from the air in World of Warcraft. For a whole world where nothing happens but warcraft, you'd think they could do better than a dirigible.
Only available in-store in NYC and London, this thing actually flies, and is basically indestructible.
If only "reading" were as durable.
The cupcake-making station.
Teaching children to charge more for things that have less in them.
Anyone for a less creepy slogan? Anyone?
It's not a purse, it's a Wookie satchel.
No guts, no glorious hour of free time while your child's in therapy dealing with knowing what Fido's insides look like.
That crazy Andy Samberg is everywhere.
"Oh man, what if 'T-r-a-n-d-o-s-h-a-n' spelled 'cat'?" "Oh, yeah! That's a good one."
"Dude, it's the '80s. You're old enough to wish for sex."