Own

The FAO Schwarz is with you

FAO Schwarz greeter

Taking your five-year-old nephew to FAO Schwarz isn't the worst -- it's the best!

Twister Dance Party

... this sexy, sexy Twister update featuring tracks from Will Smith's daughter and someone who you refuse to admit has children almost as old as Will Smith's daughter?

Looking at this guy, would you ever expect that the very first toy that caught your attention would be...

Twister and Britney Spears

Like, even when the world does end you still won't be able to accept the fact that her womb has borne fruit?

LEGO Buckingham Palace guard

LEGOs are still super sweet.

LEGO statue

Like, really bad ass.

MEGA BLOK statue

But they're facing stiff competition from MEGA BLOKS, the only building blok metal enough to never use the letter "C".

nanoblocks

And also from nanoblocks, which are similar to pimps who dress effeminately in being so bad ass, they're not afraid of anyone giving them crap for using use lower case letters, or C's.

nanoblock castle

"Neuschwanstein Castle is a 19th-century Romanesque Revival palace on a rugged hill above the village of Hohenschwangau near Füssen in southwest Bavaria, Germany. IT IS THE ONLY ROMANESQUE REVIVAL PALACE MADE ENTIRELY FROM nanoblocks."

True Heroes box

You know what being a true hero is?

True Hero with mustache

Not being afraid to get shot at while wearing this mustache.

Train set

This train set comes complete with what every kid wants: a shady dude leaning on a convertible, and a guy who's bald.

Playmobil set

Who knew...

giant peace pipe

... that Daniel Snyder was moonlighting as a toy designer?

Giant Nerds

Hungry from smoking that giant peace pipe? Well guess what: they got nerds out there this big!

Angry Bird

You call this angry?

Smurf

Learn from the master. This is angry.

FAO Schwarz water

Toy vitaminwater?

Toy pizza

Toybesity I

Toy chili dog

Toybesity II

Toy hamburger

Toybesity III

Operation

All of which leads to you being too fat to safely operate on.

Mario

This guy's still spry after lots of pizza!

Piano from Big

You could totally crush this. Like, actually crush it.

Evolution section at FAO Schwarz

Always a fun topic for children visiting from Kansas.

Stuffed panda

Stuffed animals as big as a two-car garage will never go extinct.

Halo ship

How you kill things from the air in Halo.

World of Warcraft dirigible

How you kill things from the air in World of Warcraft. For a whole world where nothing happens but warcraft, you'd think they could do better than a dirigible.

Toy helicopter

Only available in-store in NYC and London, this thing actually flies, and is basically indestructible.

Book section at FAO Schwarz

If only "reading" were as durable.

Cupcake at FAO Schwarz

The cupcake-making station.

Cupcakes without nuts

Teaching children to charge more for things that have less in them.

Hand sack

Anyone for a less creepy slogan? Anyone?

Batman belt, Wookie satchel

It's not a purse, it's a Wookie satchel.

Dog anatomy

No guts, no glorious hour of free time while your child's in therapy dealing with knowing what Fido's insides look like.

Andy Samberg looking dude.

That crazy Andy Samberg is everywhere.

Captain America downtime

Um... hey.

C-3P0, Boba Fett

"Oh man, what if 'T-r-a-n-d-o-s-h-a-n' spelled 'cat'?" "Oh, yeah! That's a good one."

Zoltar

"Dude, it's the '80s. You're old enough to wish for sex."