Tired of spending your millions of dollars on gold bars and Dawson's Creek DVDs? You're in freaking luck, because you can now spend that definitely-not-imaginary dinero on this: the just-now-available, one-and-only, penthouse-to-end-all-penthouses inside of the Lake Tahoe Ritz-Carlton. It costs $5 million (or 44 gold bars), and comes with some $5 million-worthy amenities, like...
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Unlimited free valet parking for your 1997 Neo Geo.
Unlimited free SKI VALET.
Unlimited free arcade games (?!?!?).
And "gratis" access to everything from the mountainside pool, to the 17,000sqft spa, to...
... a balcony that is definitely not perfectly designed to throw water balloons off of*. (*Opposite day.)
Also get-at-able: 4-star in-room dining (sttttttteeeeeaaaakkkkk!!!).
4-star in-room BARTENDING wherein they'll send a pro drink-maker up to mix dranks for your next party.
And, most importantly, an on-demand shot-ski.
They'll also throw in a Tahoe Mountain Club membership, which gets you access to two championship golf courses and a bunch of other stuff that's not as cool as two championship golf courses.
Oh yeah, and the penthouse itself: 4-bedroom, 3.5-bath, 1-office, 1-theater, and...