Jamaica has all sorts of secrets, like what exactly is in that jerk spice, why in the world they employed John Candy as a bobsled coach, and if it wasn't Shaggy, just who was it?!? Letting you in on a new one, Secrets St. James.
Sharing a private beach in Montego Bay with its sister resort Wild Orchid, St. James is an adults-only Jamaican wonderland offering 290 ocean-view rooms, nine restaurants, just as many bars, unlimited food/booze at all of 'em, and a serious lineup of outdoor and watersport activities, and since it's adults-only, you know what that means: the Crocodile Mile will be totally pristine, until you hit that terrifying bump. Pushing things beyond standard vacation trappings're some of the dining options (swanky French joint Bordeaux, al fresco steakhousing at Seaside Grill, private candlelit oceanfront dinners), on-site cocktail-crafting classes, and mega-bounces in giant-rubber-band+trampoline "Euro-bungees"; you can also join the Preferred Club, which lets you soak in a balcony tub in your premium-view suite before hitting a strictly no-commoners-allowed beach, removing the fear that DiCaprio will bypass the guys with rifles, punch a shark, and steal your hot French girlfriend. To cover the basic vacation bases, they'll line up outdoor activities like bocce ball, basketball, volleyball, and tennis, plus water-bound fun like sailing and kayaking, and all rooms boast a bathroom with a whirlpool tub and massive double sinks/mirrors -- which, when visited by a crackly-voiced radio reporter, made him exclaim "Oh, the huge vanity!".
Because pristine beaches, endless liquor, and limitless good food can be stressful, they've also got a 14-room spa offering European facials and massages -- although if they're not the kind you're hoping for, hope honey doesn't come in and catch you red-handed (it wasn't me!).