There are certain endeavors one should simply not undertake without the assistance of a professional, like a skydive, a scuba dive, or most perilously, a pencil dive. Or a dive into three types of fowl without the assistance of 4505 Meats.
4505 Meats just unveiled this year's heartiest holiday meal -- three big birds rolled into one mighty Turducken -- lovingly prepared for you to simply stick in the oven by pro chef extraordinaire Ryan Farr, the man who brought SF Ivy Elegance and all sorts of crazy butchery demos, like breaking down an entire pig by hand and mind. These turduckens consist of a partially de-boned (free-range) turkey, stuffed with a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed with a de-boned chicken...all of which is laced with a cornbread/chicken/sausage stuffing, which will be stuffed in your stomach in your grandma's stuffy dining room. Stuff, stuff, stuff. But that's not all: your uncooked, 15 or 20 pound monstrosity (which'll serve 14 or 18 peeps, respectively) comes atop a roasting pan of root veggies, with cooking instructions and an oven thermometer with a preset alarm on it, so the only way to really screw it up is if you forget you're a vegan.
All orders are due by Nov 20th, and're ready when you are for pickup at 4505's Portrero Hill HQ -- an endeavor you should be able to handle on your own, so dive right in (but not feet first, if you value your life!!!).