Now is the winter of our discontent," said every sober person ever, and also Shakespeare.
But it doesn't have to be that way! Here to aid you through the bone-chilling pain that is attending Thanksgiving/Diwali/Christmas/Chanukah/Boxing Day with people you are forced to interact with through blood or marriage (sometimes both, if you're from Florida) are five delicious cocktails that can be cooked right in your Crock-Pot --
Crocktails, if you will.
OK, I know that name is awful. Just be thankful for an article that mentions winter, but has zero
. Well, except for that one. Take the wins where you can get them. Game of Thrones references Cole Saladino/Thrillist
(Definitely not Harry Potter™) Butter Beer At least two 2L of cream soda 3 tsp butterscotch extract Rum Whipped cream 2 tsp vanilla extract Cinnamon (optional) OK, so pour all the cream soda into the crockpot first. Add rum. Add the butterscotch and vanilla extract and stir. Add whip cream to the top and stir (if you want). Cook for like, an hour. When drinking, feel free to add whipped cream to the top of you glass, and sprinkle in a little cinnamon if you are feeling spicy. Don't add actual beer to the drink. Rejoice. Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Non-Denominational Rumchata Nog Explosion Eggnog Milk (optional) Rumchata More rum (optional, but highly recommended) 2 tbsp vanilla extract Cinnamon sticks Peppermint candy 1 tbsp nutmeg Fill the pot with eggnog, you can cut it with milk if you prefer it to be a little thinner (I'd recommend it). Add the Rumchata, and if you're trying to get saucy, a few shots of rum (I'd recommend it). Plop in some peppermint candy, cinnamon sticks, 1 tbsp vanilla extract, and1 tbsp of nutmeg. Cook for like, 30-60 minutes. Put your some extra peppermints in ziplock bag, hit vigorously with a hammer, rim your glass with the dust to get super fancy. Rejoice. Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Chocolate-Whiskey-Nutella-Marshmallow-Coffee Clusterfuck Milk Hot chocolate mix Nutella Coffee Marshmallows Whiskey So, fill most of the crock pot with milk. Put some coffee in there, doesn't need to be heated (I used cold brew). Add desired amount of whiskey. Put 1/2 cup of hot chocolate mix in there, stir with passion. Microwave a bowl of Nutella, drip it in there, stir with passion. Put marshmallows on top, and drizzle some more Nutella. Let it cook for like 3 hours for optimal flavor, or at least one hour if you are feeling antsy. Pour, and decorate top with more marshmallows and Nutella drizzle. Rejoice. Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Chamomile Toddy, with Bourbon Chamomile tea bags Sliced lemons Cinnamon sticks Anis stars Whiskey and/or brandy 1 tbsp honey White wine (optional) Add about six or seven tea bags to water in the slow cooker, draping the strings over the side. Cut up a bunch of lemons, and add them liberally. Stick 1 tbsp of honey in there. Toss some anis stars on top. Cook for like, 2 hours. Rejoice. Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Johnny Appleseed's Premium Elixir Featuring Alcohol Apples About two 2L of apple cider Cinnamon sticks Cinnamon Bourbon Fireball -- or something like Fireball Whipped cream Slice your apples. Add all the cider to the pot. Pour in bourbon, add a couple shots of the Fireball stuff. Insert the cinnamon sticks, apples, and a couple pinches of actual cinnamon. Cook for like, 2 hours. Pour into a hipsterific Mason jar, top with whipped cream. Rejoice.