Judging by the #1 hit from 1976, the car wash is a happy, splashy place where it's downright impossible to have a bad time -- but of course, that's nothing but a goddamn lie. Unless that place is Lozano's Car Wash, and you're hungry for some ribs.
Seven days a week, P'Alto native Harold Willis pulls up to Lozano's in his truck to grill up his self-proclaimed "Bay Area's best" pork ribs, perfected over a lifetime of cooking everywhere from 'Bama to Korea, where he served in and to the Army. The ribs are prepped in sea salt and peanut oil, then soaked in fat free zesty Italian before being rubbed down with something sweet, spicy, and secret; they're then seared, smoked for four hours and, just before finishing, sprayed with apple juice -- just like you briefly thought those schoolyard bullies were doing to you. Cost is $20 a slab ($11 for a half), and you can grab up to ten racks anytime; for any more than that, call Lozano's and give Harold both a day or two notice, and the thrill of being the only dude at the car wash receiving important calls.
If you're not a rib man, go for garlic and herb mesquite-smoked chicken (uniquely done with garbanzo powder and herba stella); for next-day pickup, you can also order up a 20+ lb tri-tip or deep-fried turkey -- enough to feed whoever you might meet, be it a Movie Star, or an Indian Chief.