Food & Drink

Grub and rum make a cool combination

Truly talented people often excel at disparate things, like Wayman Tisdale at basketball and smooth jazz guitar, and Kirstie Alley at gaining weight and not-losing weight. For a restaurant excelling in very disparate ways, hit The Heartland Cafe/Benbow Room

Opened by a pair of sausage enthusiasts/first-time resto runners, this dual-purpose spot features both a high-ceiling'd countrified front room serving up heart-stopping heartland-style grub, and a dimly lit back bar decked out like an old-school pirate ship complete w/ low polished wood beams, an in-floor koi pond & dappled light shining through a wall resembling a stern galley - but not a David Stern galley cuz this is merely a bar, not Heaven. The front's super-manly grub starts with mains like the ground beef/peas/corn/mashed & cheddar Shepherd's Pie, and a mountain of mashed potatoes stuffed w/ green bean casserole/fried onions called The Volcano; burger-ish items range from the beef/butterflied brat/caramelized onion/sauerkraut beer mustard Sheboygan, to the melted cheese stuffed Juicy Lucy, also the nickname Lucy Van Pelt acquired in high school after she broke up with Schroeder, ignored her own mental health guidance, and got really slutty. In back the focus's on rum w/ signature tails like the Stoli/Black Rasberry Liquer/OJ/cran Voodoo Lady, the Plymouth Gin/dry vermouth/lime/cherry garnish Admiral Benbow, and the five-kinds-of-rum/Disaronno/OJ/pineapple/cran Booty Juice, eerily similar to the phrase prison dudes say to OJ Simpson when he runs into them in the shower.

The HC's also offering up b-fast (biscuits & gravy, cinnamon roll french toast), happy hour mon-fri, and in the future they'll be slinging their own house-made mustard & sausage, which are two very disparate things to Kirstie Alley, since one of them doesn't have nearly enough calories.