I Got You A Man Eating Pit

Gifts That Suck: flowers, candy, gift certificates to the Gap. Gifts That Don't Suck: Fully customizable man-eating pits... and gift certificates to the Gap that've been personalized. Figure out how to snag half that by checking out I Got You A Man Eating Pit. Launched outta Seattle after a thwarted attempt to buy the discontinued Sarlacc Pit/Jabba's Barge LEGO set (natch), these absurdist desktop-size "Danish building block" creations inspired by the various man-eating pits of mythology/legend/popular culture intentionally push the boundaries of gift giving and, as an added bonus, unintentionally prove super popular with Voraphiliacs -- people who sexually fantasize about being swallowed whole...seriously. Made to resemble real or metaphorical pits culled from sources like the King James Bible, Homer, and every day life, Pits are available in three sizes; classic, deluxe and -- drawing from the dangers that befall the young -- smaller Baby Pits with uplifting titles like Arson, Callow, and the all black Depression, which captures that moment "hope turned to hopelessness", much like your photo from the Senior Snowball. Some of the Pits can be assembled up to three ways and all of them can be endlessly personalized by giving your victim a Fighting Chance (accessories like modern armaments or manly toupees), an Escape Possibility (bikes, boats, hand trucks), or a Feral companion (horse, spider, shark); there's also dozens of wonderfully ironic victims, or "Feeding Systems", to be consumed by the pit, like the hipster, prom nerd, token female, or a Bag of Babies "for the most horrific of Pit Play", excluding, of course, whatever it is Voraphiliacs do. Each gift comes with unique Meta-Pit packaging, a 16 page build + play book, and lots more things that don't suck, especially now that you feel all handsome in your snug fitting jean jacket!