The Oatmeal

As a kid you gleefully destroyed the morning paper looking for the funny-pages, but now the Internet has gleefully destroyed the newspaper industry, leaving you with only the back of the cereal box for entertainment -- and that leprechaun is very good at hiding those Lucky Charms. Because the Internet feels bad, it's giving you The Oatmeal.

Oat's a growing collection of absurdist comics created by a Seattle web designer/marketer whose innovative online trickery was once banned by Google, and whose outside interests include "gravity" and "breathing heavily through his mouth" -- so, expect more Far Side than Prince Valiant. Starring eerily lifeless humans, animate blobs, and various members of the animal kingdom, highlights include "Things Bears Love" (overweight hikers, boomboxes); "7 Reasons to Keep Your Tyrannosaur Off Crack Cocaine" (difficult potty training, paranoia about the coming ice age); and "6 Reasons Bacon is Better Than True Love" ("bacon won't divorce you over a little misunderstanding", e.g., "these aren't hookers, they are my consultants"). Tied to the comics are ridiculous quizzes that range from the frivolous ("How Addicted to Facebook Are You?") to real meaning-of-life type inquires like "How Long Can You Survive on the Surface of The Sun?" (somehow dependent on whether you've seen The Little Mermaid) and "How Many Baboons Could You Take In a Fight Armed With Only a Giant Dildo?" -- useful if your own giant dildo collection is just gathering dust.

For just a touch more text, there's a nascent illustrated story section that includes a tale about the author's former boss furiously loving himself at work, complete with drawings of happy, mustachioed spermatozoa -- unprofessional, but what else is that man gonna do now that he can't get his Marmaduke?