Your Party Girls
During childhood holidays you fell asleep with visions of sugar plums dancing in your head, but as an adult you're less and less impressed with how those plums work that pole. Making your grow'd up dreams come true, Your Party Girls. Started by a pair of Seattle ladies who "loved to misbehave together" this dancer-owned-and-operated crew offers the usual raunchy bachelor fare, but also a dazzling array of "special services" limited only by your imagination, and several pertinent sections of the Washington state penal code. Topless possibilities include poker dealers, yogis, bartenders, Nyotaimori-style sushi service, maids who'll get very filthy after getting your place very clean, and masseuses specializing in a "full body sensual experience"; on the exotically dangerous tip, there are flaming baton-twirlers and a dancer who'll make nice with her 9-foot pet snake (don't be intimidated -- he doesn't even have balls). This festive season, they're also offering up the clothed-but-still-bawdy Sugarplum Elves, who, dressed in handmade, 50s-inspired outfits will treat you to crowd-interaction-heavy variety show stylings; the Elves are also available to tend bar/hostess/mingle, and'll even do singing telegrams, bringing Christmas cheer to offices looking to downsize idiots who bring half-naked fantasy creatures into the break room. Not only will YPG's matriarch help you find the right girl "no matter what your fantasy is", she'll also hook you up with party suppliers and, if your pad's not big enough to hold the fun, scout you out a location -- guaranteeing a blowout so epic, that by the end not a creature will be stirring, not even your mouse.