It's nice to be able to get in and out quickly, which is why you should never go to the one on Fisherman's Wharf. For a chance to go in and out (and in and out!) in four hours or less this Feb 14th, check out Bardessono Hotel's Do Not Disturb Package. Launched just in time for V-Day, luxe wine country getaway Bardessono Hotel's offering up would-be Casanovas a DND package designed for their...um...packages, that includes up to four hours' use of a guest room (not overnight) for you and your girlfriend/wife/cleaning lady (all three?) -- a perfect amount of time to do the deed, and then watch the first two Godfathers in their entirety. The "nooner" promotion will also come with two 60min Swedish massages done in your guest room -- which is actually designed for in-room spa services (some bathrooms are equipped with steam rooms and outdoor showers) -- both done by skilled therapists and designed to "release hidden tensions", which's great considering the fact that you'll probably already have released the other, non-hidden ones (you're having sex, probably!). They'll also hook you up with a $75 room service credit for before- or after-massage eats from the Bardessono Restaurant & Bar, which you could blow on any of four bottles of Champagne (three from Napa, one from Italy), sexily shared plates of artisanal cheeses or charcuterie, or a caramel cream and chocolate streusel-topped guanaja mousse dessert, but not a guanaja Moose dessert, as Mussina's more of an
Orioles Oreos kind of guy. The package'll be available through March, and'll also include access to Bardessono's rooftop pool and complimentary carbon fiber bicycles, which're great for finding your next nooner locale so you can make it a double...double.