61. The only date idea you could ever come up with was #NetflixAndChill... and you use the hashtag when you suggest it.
62. You matched with her best friend on Tinder nine months into your relationship. No wonder she looked familiar.
63. You asked what house music is.
64. You’re a comedian so all human interactions are just bits.
65. You made the mistake of complaining about unions to her father, whose car just happens to be covered in “Union Yes!” stickers.
66. You started dating after meeting at TBOX.
67. “You probably shouldn’t spend so much money on helping homeless people since you don’t even make that much to begin with.”
68. His parents in Winnetka convinced him that you’re not a suitable girlfriend because you grew up on the Northwest Side, proving that life on the North Shore really is like a John Hughes movie.
69. Half your Facebook posts are complaints about Chicago weather.
70. He saw your GrubHub order history and was mortified.
71. You were never able to take a vacation with her because all of your vacation days were spent on Bulls away games.
72. “I love you, but I just can't deal with your awful lifestyle. I mean, you work in a cubicle for God’s sake! That’s not the kind of life *I* want to live.” - A 32-year-old unemployed musician living at home
73. Your weekend agenda is Moe’s Cantina, John Barleycorn, Sluggers, Big City Tap, and basically every other bad decision bar in Chicago.
74. She dropped you like a hot potato the moment her old college boyfriend moved to Chicago.
75. “I want to run for mayor of Chicago in the next 10 years or so. I think we can both agree that you’re really not the best option for a politician’s wife.”
76. You see nothing wrong with taking up three parallel parking spots.
77. You once dated his best friend from high school. Six degrees of separation? In Chicago, it’s more like two.
78. You made the mistake of exclaiming, “It’s been 30 years. Get over it!” in response to his latest monologue about the ‘85 Bears.
79. You use your obnoxious talking GPS to guide you everywhere... even the neighborhood grocery store.
80. You have high-end foodie tastes, but can’t cook at all.
81. You re-gifted... on your anniversary.
82. He got sick of having to stop and play street photographer every two blocks for your “outfit of the day” Instagram posts. #annoying #overit #whyareyouInstagrammingyogapants
83. Your Saturday afternoon road rage is so bad, it convinced him that you have deep-seated anger issues.
84. You’re still waiting for him to text you back... six months, two weeks, five days, two boxes of Kleenex, and one missing person’s report later.
85. You mention that you could see yourself living in New York and this time you’re not bluffing.
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Lisa Chatroop is one of the founders of Chicago-based lifestyle blog Daily Urbanista. Contrary to what this blog post may lead you to believe, she absolutely hates breaking up with people. Say hi to her on Twitter via @Chicagoista or @DailyUrbanista.