Anybody can go on a date and do something totally legal, but where’s the fun in that? Dinner and a movie? YAWN. A drink at a wine bar? INFINITY YAWNS. But if you’d like to be totally unique and maybe live on the edge, try one of these 11 illegal date ideas that we would never, ever condone.
Sneak all the way into the Sunken City
How to pull it off despite our explicit disapproval: There may or may not be some holes in the fence along the hike (which we detail here), and maybe you can squeeze through by ignoring the "No Trespassing" signs.
Laws you’d be breaking: Trespassing. But if you’ve ever wondered what Atlantis would look like if it was covered in graffiti, now you can find out. Years ago all the houses here fell victim to a huge landslide and the ruins are still there. But it’s illegal to climb around them, so, like, don’t do that.
Climb into and on top of the structures at the abandoned Nazi compound at Murphy’s Ranch
How to pull it off despite us very clearly advising against it: The “houses” in the woods at Murphy’s Ranch (one of our picks for the most interesting abandoned places in CA) are completely fenced off, but if you look closely, we bet you could find some spaces to squeeze through and then climb in. And we bet you could find a ladder in one of the houses that leads up to an attic with all kinds of cool graffiti. But you shouldn’t do that!
Laws you’d be breaking: Trespassing, breaking and entering, illegally using ladders in old racists’ homes
Go green at Disneyland
How to pull it off even though, again, this is not an idea we’d condone: There are like, cookies, and oils, and even Chapstick now, you guys. 2015 is insane.
Laws you’d be breaking: Illegally boosting your happiness quota at The Happiest Place on Earth
Sneak-drink picnic in Elysian Park
How to pull it off despite our repeated pleas not to do it due to legal issues: It’s a classic: buy some iced teas with twist-tops, empty half, replace half with booze of your choice, replace twist-top, bring with you in your picnic bag. If you wanna be classy, replace with Franzia.
Laws you’d be breaking: No alcohol consumption in open air at the park (or most LA parks), so we’re definitely not telling you to extra-enjoy your day in the heart of LA. And definitely don’t invite another couple on a double date, and then play a game of sloshball, or slosh Wiffle ball (sloshle ball?), or any sort of very, very, very fun game involving alcohol.
Find your way into a hotel pool, and go for a swim
How to pull it off despite our disapproval and repeated withering looks: There are various degrees of difficulty to this one: the Roosevelt Pool, for instance, is theoretically guest-only but if you buy a drink at the bar they’ll turn the other cheek. The Standard pool is closed after its late-night shenanigans, but the service elevators don’t necessarily know that. The Beverly Hilton? Good luck, godspeed, glad your heart rate’s up. But the date-swim trump card may be to hit the Valley and hop a fence to go all Girl Next Door and do it at somebody’s place of residence. But, ya know, maybe just, like, take a look around for security cameras? Or an NRA-sympathising lawn sign? Or don’t do it at all!
Laws you’d be breaking: Trespassing, breaking and entering, the usual. But there aren’t many ways to feel more badass and also romantic at the same time, so this is a two-birds-one-romancing-the-stone scenario.
Pick some poppies, and present them lovingly to your date
How to pull it off despite us repeatedly begging you not to do this: Grab them with like, your hands, anywhere you can find them -- like the Poppy Reserve in Antelope Valley.
Laws you’d be breaking: The California poppy -- I’m sure we all know it by the name Eschscholzia californica -- is the state flower of California, and it is totally illegal to pull them out of the ground in places like schools, medians, or, uh, a poppy reserve. So show your date how much you’re willing to fight for them by lovingly presenting them with a poppy you uprooted with your strong, dangerous hands.
Watch a show at the Greek as a Tree Person
How to pull it off despite the fact that we’ve said we’ll call your parents if you actually do it: Though the Greek Theatre and all its performers would definitely prefer that you paid money to watch their shows, the “Tree People” -- who sneak to the back of the theater to hear shows and sorta see from the back of Griffith -- have been legendary since Neil Diamond called them out on his Hot August Night album. Here’s how to be one: hike around Griffith from Vermont, and find the trailhead on Vista del Valle. From there, you can make your way to the back of the Greek and nestle yourself in the trees. With the other people.
Laws you’d be breaking: Probably trespassing, and some sort of karmic law, although the degree of leniency on this one makes it more of a possible arrest than a likely one.
Do sex things in a place that isn’t your bed at home with the curtains drawn and Rachel Platten Pandora playing
How to pull it off despite us desperately wishing you’d stop all illegal behavior this minute: Well, when two people love each other... (also, there are a few places where it’s sort of encouraged: the just-reopened Beacher’s Madhouse at the Roosevelt, for instance, has a “BJ Room” that’s a photo booth... that probably also is an actual BJ room).
Laws you’d be breaking: Indecent exposure, the Sexual Offenses Act... also you can inadvertently turn a passerby into a voyeur. So if you’re doing this while you’re a tree person (two dates in one!!), be sure to bring a blanket.
Play Frisbee on the beach without getting permission from the lifeguard
How to pull it off despite our disappointment in the person you’ve turned into: Throw it behind the lifeguard tower? (But you never know -- Hasselhoff had eyes in the back of his head.)
Laws you’d be breaking: The law that says, “It is unlawful for any person to cast, toss, throw, kick, or roll any ball, tube, or light object other than a beach ball or a volleyball upon or over any beach.” So for all you tube-rollers out there, brace yourself for a casual ONE THOUSAND-DOLLAR FINE if you get caught. Yes. This is a serious law. Man, you might as well just do sex in a tree, I guess.
Hang by the Hollywood sign letters
How to pull it off even if you aren’t Justin Timberlake in that one movie: OK, this one’s gonna be really tough. You’re probably going to need wire cutters, bolt cutters, a ton of money to pay off the 24-hour security guard, and possibly bail money too. And it all obviously starts up at Beachwood Canyon, where everyone’s watching out for people trying to do exactly this. But think about your hero-status if you were to do it. Or your ability to go out in a blaze of near-glory. One or the other.
Laws you’d be breaking: Our favorite law at this point, trespassing, and probably more we don’t even want to think about. The second you even grab the fence above the letters, you will likely hear a terrifying buzz from a helicopter you didn’t even see, and they will tell you to GTFO (after they send a police cruiser to meet you at the bottom of the hill). Worth it? Maaaaaybe. Just kidding, of course it’s not. Please don’t do this. Even Timberlake got arrested in that movie!
Go to dinner wearing zoot suits
How to pull it off (we don’t care, you can do this one): First off: yes, this is actually illegal. Ever since the Zoot Suit Riots (Riots! Throw back a bottle of beer!) in the '40s, wearing a zoot suit in LA is technically illegal. Which is why it’s sort of surprising that a) Bradley Cooper was so quick to get into one in Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp and b) that El Pachuco, in Torrance, has been selling them successfully for so long.
Laws you’d be breaking: I mean, you’re not gonna get arrested for this one, even though it’s actually illegal. So go nuts.
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