Sex & Dating

Comic Iliza Shlesinger's Guide to Surviving Valentine's Day in LA

Published On 02/09/2017 Published On 02/09/2017
iliza's guide to surviving valentine's day
Marteen Deboer
Flickr/Roy Randall

Ye Rustic Inn

It’s got plenty of room, the crowd is always there to party and there is food. If it gets too crowded, walk across the street to The Drawing Room for a change of scenery and comfy booths for kissing and feigning interest when your date starts to tell you about the script he’s working on. Uh huh, great, Caleb -- is it make-out time yet?

Jones Hollywood

Jones is my favorite bar in LA and I’ve had several birthday parties there. The people are always attractive, bartenders seem like they actually want you there, there’s a fun long couch you can sit on, the jukebox is good, and they have one of the most underrated full late-night menus in Los Angeles. No one has ever not had fun there. Ever. Except liars.

Thirsty Crow

Sunset Blvd (The street, the whole thing. There will be multiple stops on this journey.)

I’ve spent many a LA night starting at some Eastside bar, whether it be Short Stop, Thirsty Crow, or even Bar Stella and just crawling my way back West. Have a drink and walk to the next bar. You can get pretty psyched by the time you hit Tiki-Ti (GO TO TIKI-TI!!) and it’s always nice to walk off some of the alcohol. You can make it from Echo Park to about Sunset and Vermont and hit a decent number of themed bars before you need to call an Uber. And if you’re hungry? Thai Town is only a few blocks over and they’re open late night 7 days a week.


Guyless on V-Day? Go Downtown with a girlfriend (which, btw, sounds like the way Cosmo would describe lesbian sex).

I’m saying call your best friend, get dressed up (wear that fun hat you bought but have been insecure about wearing in public!), and go explore a part of LA you keep hearing is cool but never go to because it’s Downtown, and that’s far away, and you’re tired from living. You can dance on a light-up dance floor at Honeycut. You can let loose to a DJ at The Lash. The bars are endless (literally just Google “Downtown LA bars” and you’re good). There’s also Little Tokyo on the edge of Downtown if you want to eat conveyer belt sushi at Kula.

The Normandie Club

Speaking of Asian-inspired ideas... get drinks in K Town!

There are two ways to do this: down Soju in some hovel until you throw up on your shoes or try the classier route and go to The Normandie Club. It’s a beautiful bar, and if you call ahead and make a reservation at their speakeasy, The Walker Inn, you can spend your night in a tiny hidden bar drinking gorgeously crafted cocktails under a dim light. Who doesn’t want that? Then, when you’re hungry? Next door is Cassell’s hamburgers. After all that, if you can still waddle, wedge yourself into the king of dive bars, Frank N Hank. It’s never too crowded, the drinks cost what they would in North Dakota, and there’s a pool table, darts, and other trashy bar games.