Sex + Dating

10 Activities That Are Definitely NOT Dates

Today’s dating terminology can be a bit confusing. “Hanging out” DOES NOT mean “dating” EVER... unless, of course, you are “hanging out,” followed by sex and then subsequent sessions of “hanging out” until both of you are ready to actually call it dating. Got it? Nope? Yeah, us neither.

So as you’re wobbling on that thin line between “is this a date or not?” we’ve come up with a few scenarios that, should you find yourself in one, you will know you are definitely NOT on a date.

Lunch with your boss

I guess this is a situation that’s easy to misconstrue because, obviously, there is no other reason your boss would be taking you to lunch other than he/she wants all up on you… ? Forget performance review, congratulations for being there a specific amount of time, or just plain appreciation? Come on. Head out of the clouds. This is not a date.

Seeing someone regularly at the gym

You always go to the gym at 10am because that’s when that lycra-covered treat ALSO goes to the gym. You hear each other grunting as you lift all the weight and you imagine that that’s what it sounds like when they have sex and suddenly you’re incredibly turned on. You say hello awkwardly to each other and each cracks a half-smile. You have never actually said a single sentence to this person, nor do you even know his/her name. This is fodder for masturbating later. It is not a date.


Staying up all night texting

You met X while on vacation in Puerto Vallarta and had Mind. Blowing. Sex. But he/she lives in Vancouver while you live in New York. Still, you keep up a continual stream of texts because the sex was that good and maybe you’re both a little lonely. Sometimes this texting goes on for hours and hours, all through the night. But unless one or both of you is willing to get on a plane, then this is not a date. It IS something that is going to cause you much pain in approximately two weeks when he/she inevitably stops responding to your texts.

Someone you dated one time six months ago inviting you to a party

Yeah… you’re padding their guest list. But if you both drink enough you could definitely maybe have sex.

Coffee with a co-worker to discuss the industry

This one could possibly well be a date if your coworker is really shy and has no game. But assuming he/she isn’t socially awkward, then you are just getting coffee with someone who does the exact same thing you do and talking about it.

Anything in a group

Groups hang out. It’s what they do by definition. A date is meant to be intimate and about spending time one-on-one. There is nothing intimate about being in a group. Unless it’s group sex. If someone is inviting you to group sex, that is probably a date. A group sex date, but a date nonetheless.

Anything after midnight

You are a booty call. There’s no way around it, even if you order pizza after.

Someone inviting you to see them in a play/open mic/stand-up comedy

Unless there are very clear plans that you will be spending time alone together after, then sorry, you are just there for moral support. And if you aren’t getting dinner/drinks/sex afterward, then hopefully at least the play was decent so your ENTIRE night isn’t ruined.

Someone buying you drinks after you help them move

Someone thanking you for doing manual labor for them is not a date.

Being the friend brought along to entertain your bestie’s date’s friend

You are there solely to help your bestie get laid. That said, there’s no reason why this can’t be fun. Chances are the friend is just as unenthused as you are about being there, so there’s no reason why the two of you can’t bond over shots at the bar and bang in the bathroom. You’ll probably end up getting married while your bestie and his/her date never make it to a second one.

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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist. Some of these were about her. But definitely not ALL of them. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.