50 Incredible Feelings That Aren't Sexual
Orgasms are cool, but they’ve had their time in the spotlight for too long. What about all those other amazing feelings out there? You know, the ones that don’t involve requiring another person to rub a certain spot for an undisclosed amount of time?
Like popping bubble wrap! Oh man, bubble wrap. Kathleen M. Dillon, psychology professor emerita at Western New England University, says that it’s a “very natural, human response to stress [and] keeping your hands busy with little projects... is considered relaxing," which, honestly, sounds like an undersell.
This is a list for those who appreciate the simple satisfaction that comes from popping a zit -- which we find so fascinatingly gross because of evolution -- or scratching that part of your back that you normally can't ever reach, which we find so satisfying because... we can't ever reach it.
Quite simply, this is a list for everybody.
50. Sticking a Q-tip in your ear, even though you know you shouldn't
49. Finally sneezing after a few failed attempts
48. Scratching that part of your back that you can never reach
47. Getting a haircut without having to speak to your barber
46. Taking your pants off after a long day at work
45. Waking up thinking it’s Wednesday, but then realizing it's Saturday
44. Peeling an apple in one long strip
43. Cracking all of your knuckles
42. Peeling dried skin off of a sunburn
41. Peeling off a price tag without any residual glue
40. Flipping your pillow over so you can sleep on the cool side
39. When someone you don’t want to hang out with cancels the plans you made
38. Popping all the bubble wrap
37. When the delivery guy buzzes your door 20 minutes before he was supposed to get there
36. Pooping after holding it in for the last hour of a long car ride
35. The series finale of Breaking Bad
34. Putting on freshly dried, warm clothes
33. Walking on grass barefoot
32. Watching a movie on your laptop in bed during a storm
31. Looking at your phone and seeing “Hey, you up?” from someone you’re into
30. That new Adele song
29. Making a totally appropriate “Hotline Bling” reference
28. Getting retweeted by someone really cool, like Usher. Or a really close friend of Usher.
27. When a friend can't finish their ice cream sundae and asks you if you want the rest
26. When you successfully un-send an embarrassing email
25. Peeing after six beers
24. Peeing after sex. And probably multiple beers as well.
23. Unwrapping a Reese’s cup without losing any vital chocolate on the bottom of the wrapper
22. Opening up an overly full bag of chips
21. The opening credits from any Star Wars movie. Even the bad ones.
20. Looking at this puppy
19. Finding money in a jacket you haven't worn in months
18. Spending that money on a delicious ice cream sundae
17. Scratching a mosquito bite even though you know you shouldn't
16. Farting and getting away with it
15. When you’re congested and your nostrils suddenly open up
14. When you have water in your ear and it suddenly drains out
13. Sleeping on freshly washed sheets
12. Putting on a brand-new pair of socks
11. Getting your head massaged
10. A cold beer on a hot day
9. A hot toddy on a cold day
8. Popping a pimple
7. Stretching backwards over your chair and cracking your entire back
6. Getting the chills from a climactic movie scene even though you've seen it before
5. Finally getting rid of that goddamn thing stuck in your teeth
4. A really big, satisfying yawn
3. Peeling the protective plastic off of the screens of your new electronics
2. Shower beer
1. Getting to the end of a long list, sharing said list on Facebook, and, as a result, your unrequited crush messages you and says you absolutely need to start dating
Eventually you two have sex. However, that's not part of the list.
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Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist and actually got paid to write this list.