Sex + Dating

8 Less-Than-Obvious Reasons She Isn’t Having Sex With You

annoyed couple in bed together

Let's get something out of the way right now. Most women LOVE sex. I can personally attest to the fact that a large number of women complain they don't get enough of it. So if the woman in your life is not having sex with you, there is a reason... and it's not because she has a headache.

distracted man and annoyed woman in bed

You're distracted

Need a solid reason to ditch your phone or avoid staring at the TV during after-work cocktails? Your fantasy football team might be cock-blocking you.

"Not paying attention to me really turns me off," says Margot, 23. "If I'm out with my man and he's on his phone all night, then when we get home I just want to go straight to bed. I don't want to just be there, I want him to really want me and to take the time to put me as number one."

You chew with your mouth open

A lot of men think taking a date to dinner is a prelude to sex, and it might be -- but only if you don't carry on like you were raised in a barn.

"Gross table manners really repulse me," says Kitty, 38. "Talking with food in your mouth, not closing your mouth while chewing, and picking at your teeth will all work against you later in the evening."

She doesn't feel sexy

Sometimes, it doesn't matter how beautiful you tell her she is. If she's bloated or feeling less attractive, she might simply want a few days to bring her personal version of sexy back."I know it sounds a bit insecure," says Sarah, 35, "but if I do not feel hot it's hard for me to get into the mood."

You're overly (or under-) confident

It may sound a little like a tightrope walk, but several women we spoke with shared their desire for a man with healthy confidence. This middle ground is best described as self-assured but not in-your-face.  

"There's a balance between insecure and cocky that a man needs to stay in for me to want to sleep with him," says Rachel, 27. "If he's too extreme either way, I get turned off."

woman upset and man in bed

She's unsure about how you feel about her

Think about your behavior and the way you speak to her. If she isn't clear about whether you're really attracted to her, you're less likely to get her in bed.

"There are some guys who will flirt with you in person here and there," says Haley, 36, "but then go stone-cold casual on text or vice versa. Whether it's casual sex or you're into me, I  need to have a real understanding of where I stand before I go to bed with you. Some guys make you feel like they're just taking a shot in the moment, which is really boring."

You're all about the innuendo

Flirting on a date is a great way to gauge her interest. But blatant sexual references? Not so much.

"I can be so into a guy," says Alicia, 34, "but once he starts acting douchey with the sex talk early on, I am out. If you can't have a non-sexual conversation for two full dates, you're not worth sleeping with."

You're not consistent

Life is busy, we get it. But if you're making plans with her every 14 to 21 days, you're sending her from hot to cold.

"I was totally into this guy and we would have great dates every couple of weeks," says Janice, 29. "But it got to the point where I felt like we were on a Groundhog Day first date. It's not sexy to get those butterfly feelings and then have to sit around and wait for weeks on end to feel them again."

You flash your black card

There are some men who think that money impresses a woman, but being a baller can backfire. Bad.

"I once went on a date with a guy I was very attracted to but he would not stop alluding to how much money he had," says Gabrielle, 38. "'I just bought a $40 billion company,' he said over drinks. I was so turned off by his obvious insecurity and pissed off he was basically insinuating that I was a hooker."

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Brenda Della Casa is editor-in-chief and digital content strategist for Preston Bailey Designs, as well as author of Cinderella Was a Liar. Check her out on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter: @BrendaDellaCasa.