Why is shower sex so terrible?
Because as much as you want to think you have sex like a porn star, you do not. Sure, shower sex looks great in movies because it’s all soapy and steamy and somehow her makeup stays flawless even as she is pelted in the face with beads of water, but in actual practice, there are a few factors that make shower sex a tad... terrible.
First, water is not a lubricant. Though you might feel wet, slippery, and sensual on the outside, on the inside things will catch, cling, and chafe, which for the record, is NOT GREAT FOR SEX. This reason should be enough to wipe the ridiculous notion of shower sex out of your mind, but in case you need more let’s continue.
That whole “height difference” thing is also real issue. Unless you’re He-Man, you aren’t lifting her up against the shower wall like you saw in [INSERT FAVORITE PORN]. And unless you are 76 years old and have a shower stool, this means you’re relegated to doing it from behind while she awkwardly has her leg up on the side of the tub and is most likely shaking with discomfort as she tries to hold her balance. Hot. And lastly, someone is always going to be in the water and someone is always going to not be in the water, which means one of you is freezing, and that also is not the ideal forecast for sexy times. Shower sex is just really, really not good.