Sex + Dating

29 Reasons I Just Skipped Your Dating Profile

skipping dating profile
Oren Aks/Thrillist

Despite living in a super-connected world, online dating and mating has a special way of making a person want to disengage entirely. I've swiped my way through thousands of dating profiles at this point and have scientifically/not-so-scientifically determined 29 clear dating-profile deal breakers.

1. Blurry, poor-quality, or super-small images

Not inclined to respond to someone who can't even figure out how to properly post a digital image. (Pixel) size matters.

2. Puppets

Too creepy.

3. The "shaka" sign

Nope.

4. Machu Picchu

Did I miss a Groupon deal?

5. Wedding ring

Unless you're in an open relationship, in which case...

6. You, taking shots

Not your best look.

7, 8, 9. Shirtless selfies, bathroom selfies, selfies with your hand down your pants...

Killer abs or not. Fancy hotel bathroom or not. One hand down your... Why?!

10. You and a celebrity

Sorry, not into starfuckers.

11. Keep Calm & ____ T-shirts

I am keeping calm and ignoring you.

12. Dogs playing dress-up

Canines wearing bows and sunglasses aren't turn-ons.

13. Guns

No? Just me?

14. Illustrated likenesses and masks

What exactly are you hiding?

15. You holding a terrible beer in your hand

Yes, I'm judging you.

16. Pictures of you getting a tattoo

It's like if I were to share photos of me getting a manicure. Then again, maybe you're into that.

17. Smoking

I thought everyone already knew this? Apparently not.

18. Extreme sports

I get it. You're a badass.

19. Your car

Eh.

20, 21, 22. Group shots, landscape shots, mug shots

It's so great that you have friends, have been to beautiful places, and got out of prison (?). But no.

23. Politics

Just do like the rest of us and save the political arguments until at least the second date.

24. Thumbs-up guy

Maybe start hanging out with "shaka" guy?

25. Marijuana

It's fine to be 420-friendly, but show some restraint.

26. Photo with an ex obviously cut out

There's no way this is the only photo of you in existence.

27. Fishing and hunting shots

Enough!

28. Swimming with dolphins

Even after Blackfish?!

29. No image or bio

I'm all for using my imagination, but...

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Charyn Pfeuffer finds that at 90 beats per minute, Sia’s "Cheap Thrills" is the perfect song to swipe to. Follow her on Twitter @CharynPfeuffer.