Yeah, You Two Should Probably Break Up Today

Shutterstock (EDITED)/Jennifer Bui/Thrillist
Shutterstock (EDITED)/Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

Valentine's Day is the one day a year when couples look at one another and try to say loving, nice things. If you agree with the previous statement, you're in a horrible relationship because you should hear nice things more than once a year. Maybe this is the day to end things. Sure, breaking up today won't be pretty. But is it better to fake your way through this holiday? Do you really want to keep lying to the person you're with? Here are signs you should break up with your significant other right now.

Flickr/Michele Ursino

They don't return your texts, emails, or smoke signals

Be with someone who gives a shit about you enough to reply.

You never see them when it's daytime

If you rarely see them in the daytime, you aren't in a relationship. You're just FWBs. And that's fine. But if you think you're in a relationship, it might be time to reevaluate things. If you never see them because you both have that horrible disease where you can't go outside until it's night, I'm just glad you two found one other.

You don't get along with any of their friends or family

Or maybe they just have shitty friends and a horrible family, but the person you're with is the best. That's always a possibility. Congrats on finding a real diamond in the rough!

Shutterstock (EDITED)

Everything is a fight

Surely there's someone else in the universe out there for you who doesn't want to get into a heated two hour argument over whether to attend the 7:15pm showing of Zoolander 2 or the 8:15pm. (Obviously you should go for the 7:15 because that'll give you more time to go to a bar afterwards, but that's neither here nor there.) That's just the tip of the fighting iceberg.

You never, ever, ever, ever, ever fight

If you never fight, you're probably not communicating. Fighting can actually be a positive thing, as long as you resolve the conflict, says a smart therapist person who knows what they're talking about.

The thought of Valentine's Day fills you with dread

Not because of the romantic expectations/obligations the holiday might bring, which can cause stress around the inability to choose the most appetizing box of heart-shaped chocolates, but because the idea of saying romantic things to your significant other just feels like a lie. Now's a great time to stop lying to yourself -- and the person you're with.

Andy Kryza/Thrillist

You haven't had sex in months

Unless you are a 27-year-old virgin, perhaps there is a deeper reason why you haven't been intimate. And that deeper reason should lead you to not being together.

You've been cheating on them

That ain't right. Perhaps it's time to stop fooling yourself that you can keep up this charade. Besides, you had to buy two V-Day gifts this year, didn't you? That's messed up. Do the right thing and be in one relationship at a time (except for you open relationship folks).

You're completely and utterly codependent

If you recognize these signs you're in a codependent relationship, it might be time to move on. Because it doesn't take a therapist to tell you that codependency is not healthy. Though the therapist will say that too. The therapist will also say, "Now you owe me $100 for that good advice." Our advice is on the house.

You're still reading this story

If you're still reading this, it must have hit a nerve. Good luck, champ.

Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.

Jon Sumpson writes about cannabis and sex for Thrillist.