Sex + Dating

'Crazy Ex-Girlfriend' Rachel Bloom Talks About Love and Insanity

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Rachel Bloom isn’t the type of crazy ex-girlfriend her show, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, will lead you to believe. She’s a 28-year-old California-based actress, writer, brand-new Golden Globe Award winner, and total weirdo whose 2010 song “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury” put her in the public eye. In her new CW show, Bloom plays Rebecca Bunch, a girl who moves from New York to California to start a new life... in a town where her ex-boyfriend just so happens to be.

Whether it’s from the subject matter of the show or simple life experiences, Bloom has become an expert in the field of dating and dispensed some of the finest wisdom available from the much-scorned genre of “people who regularly appear on TV.” She and I had a conversation about life, dating, crazy exes, and signs that YOU are the crazy ex.

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So... let's talk about being crazy, and crazy exes

My number-one fear is, like, feeling crazy. I don't think there's anything I fear more than being crazy.
 

What does "crazy" mean to you?

To me what crazy means -- it means a lot of things -- but it feels like not being myself and feeling out of control of my own mind. A lot of it's just a primal thing. It does that to a lot of people, and the thing that I've noticed with most people is when they're calling themselves the crazy ex or whatever, chances are the other person is also not completely sane.

I was in this secret relationship thing with a guy, and he and I would basically communicate with each other over like Facebook. We learned each other's Facebook passwords, and we would log on to each other's Facebook accounts and send each other messages on the same person's Facebook like to the other person.

"I think that a crazy ex-boyfriend, whatever crazy means, applies to both parties..."

It was really weird. When he ended it out of the blue after saying, "I love you, I love you, I love you," I felt crazy because suddenly he was over it and I wasn't, but, actually, I was the more logical one because he said he loved me and we were in this secret thing, and then suddenly he was like, "Mmm, never mind. I'm over it."

I think that a crazy ex-boyfriend, whatever crazy means, applies to both parties, that there is an unhealthiness and there is a co-dependency going on with both people. Chances are if you call someone a crazy ex, look in the mirror. You probably helped that happen.
 

Guys can’t take rejection as well as they think they can

It's men with social problems who don't quite know how to interact in society, especially with women, and what you've done is you've given them maybe a little bit of friendliness, and then they seize upon it, and they become clingy and they don't know how to act around you.

That's the experience I've had with men. There was this one guy I worked with years ago. I was friendly, and then he asked me out. I said "No," but I think I said no in like a really overly friendly way.

He then sent me a four-page email talking about how I should act around guys. He's like, "You come off as very flirty, and some guys can misinterpret that."

"You meet guys like that, who take the littlest crumb of kindness or friendship, and then they're like 'OK, cool. We're in love now, and I own you.'"

It really was like a four-page crazy fucking email. Six months later, he came to a play I directed, and brought me flowers. I was like, "Thanks for the flowers." He called me up later, and was like, "I just want to know what I've done wrong as a person, if you could tell me what I've done wrong as a person."

You meet guys like that, who take the littlest crumb of kindness or friendship, and then they're like, "OK, cool. We're in love now, and I own you. Your friendship and your kindness give me an ownership over you."

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Guys don't take “friend-zoning” lightly

Yeah. Exactly. If you're friend-zoned, a woman doesn't want to fuck you. Sorry, she doesn't want to fuck you. There are probably so many other women who do want to fuck you though, so that's good news.

I think that everyone gets a little butt-hurt when they're rejected. We're human beings, and it hurts to be rejected. When men feel rejected, like when a woman isn't interested or what, their pride really gets in the way. There's this great Instagram. Have you heard of Bye Felipe?
 

I have not

You've got to check this out. There's an Instagram called Bye Felipe, where women post screenshots of conversations they've had with men on usually OkCupid, sometimes Tinder, where they'll reject a guy and the guy responds with the worst thing.

It's literally like the guy will message and say, "Hey Cutie. Hey Cutie," and the girl won't respond, and they'll just be like, "You fucking fat bitch. I wouldn't have fucked you anyway." It's like... hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of conversations like this.
 

That's insane. Why do people do this?  

My show has received a little flack for the word "crazy" because we're labeled crazy, even though the word crazy is meant to obviously be deconstructed and it's an ironic tongue-and-cheek title.

"I think men's dicks make them crazy in a prideful way that I don't see as much in women."

For a woman to literally say, "I don't want to have a conversation with you on Tinder," and to suddenly turn around and call her fat, that's insane. I think men's dicks make them crazy in a prideful way that I don't see as much in women.
 

It’s unfair that women are always the ones labeled crazy when guys can act even more insane

Yes. It definitely takes hindsight. Something that I really like exploring on the show is the tension between what you know you should be doing, and what your body wants you to be doing in many ways.

We're animals, and I think that a lot of what is considered acceptable or like the pressures we have are turned to the fact that we are just like animals who want to hump each other and make babies. 

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Everyone probably wishes they could choose who they do and don’t fall in love with. I think it lends itself to some really fun situations, and situations obviously that'll make you heartbroken and not whole at the end. In the end, we’re just meat with hormones.

Oh my gosh. One-hundred percent. Meat with hormones. Exactly, that's exactly what it is.
 

How can guys see when they're being crazy and what can they do to not do that?

I think, like, reading social cues is the best thing that I ever noticed. People who can read social cues, understand when a girl is or isn't into them. I don't know. That's I think like the way to be a quote/unquote good guy. You can see when a woman likes you. If a woman likes you, she'll let you know. She'll let you know.

When I think about what I love about my husband -- we've been married for one year, but we've been together seven years, and we've been friends for 10 years. He's just really good with people, and we were friends for a long time, and there was always an attraction there... He just really knows how to get a vibe with people.

"If you have empathy, you are going to seek consent."

I think having empathy for other people is the thing that makes a good guy and just makes a good person. If you have empathy, you are going to seek consent. You're not going to take advantage of a woman sexually. You're going to understand where she's coming from. You're going to think about the other person's feelings. That's the thing I think everyone should have is empathy.
 

Really, dating is just about being cool with someone

Yeah, 'cause women are just people. I think there's this thing in dude culture where it's like the woman is this object, like: "How do you get a woman?" You want to neg her and all that garbage. I don't know... the sexiest guys I've seen just treat women like other human beings, and you can tell when a woman wants to fuck you, and then you fuck her.

Guys want to have sex a lot. That's how they're built, and it's much easier for a women to find sex on any given night than a guy, and that's unfortunate sometimes for guys that a guy can't have sex at any time, at any place that he wants. Being an asshole doesn't help that.

I guess there are women out there who are attracted to that. If you want to attract a certain type of person, gay, straight, or trans, whatever. If you want to attract a certain type of person, you can act like a tool and you'll attract other tools, if your goal is to attract tools.

"... Some women are idiots, and some men are idiots..." 

Anyone intelligent isn't going to be attracted to a guy doing that, but I also think I have the honor of being friends with a lot of intelligent people. You get into other women calling other women idiots, which I don't like to do, but at the same time, some women are idiots, and some men are idiots. Ah, gender...

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Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist and wants to be buried in a coffin made of chocolate.