A man in Sweden just died from having sex with something that makes your beer goggles look like beer no-prescription fashion glasses: a hornet’s nest. His injuries were so severe that the villager who found his swollen corpse confused him with a whale carcass. Clearly this is not something you want to discuss over a pear & walnut salad, right?
False. That Swede’s unhinged libido is your ticket to a rare date conversation opportunity. If you feel that your date’s cool enough to handle it -- and you feel you’re cool enough to handle it -- propose a game of “Animals You’d Rather Have Sex With Than A Nest Full Of Hornets.” Best case scenario, it’ll take you from apps straight through to skipping coffee because both of you are plenty stimulated. Worst case? You suck at coming up with animals you’d rather have sex with than a nest full of hornets. If that’s the case, prime your pump with this handy what-and-why starter kit:
Bear. You can train a bear, and get it drunk.
Humpback whale. Inferiority complex received from massive vaginal area < who cares humpback whales don't have sex for fun anyway.
Wombat. Part bat, part wom. Check two species off your bucket list in one session.
Sheep. Cliches are cliches for a reason.
Elephant. Guaranteed reach-around. Wait...
Porcupine. Wouldn't even have to cuddle afterwards.
Cicadas. Short life span means they prefer quick performance. Also known to really really like sex.
Rhinoceros. Always horny. Better deliver that punchline with a sheepish grin -- but not the sheepish grin you get when having sex with a sheep.
Jellyfish. No spine. Very flexible.