It's astounding what people looking for love will put up with.
The market's been trashed by low expectations, and it's not hard to understand why. Dating means facing everyday threats like liars, ghosting (and un-ghosting), and unsavory encounters around every corner. And for some reason, we let our love interests treat us worse than anyone else, in the hopes they might be "The One" (or at least, someone).
Hey everyone! Even at our most desperate, it's important to entertain the NOVEL IDEA that we should only date people who respect us. And whether you've got a friends-with-benefits situation or are working toward the real thing, here are signs that your low expectations have left you dating someone absolutely terrible.
Your texts or phone calls go unanswered
For some people, getting a text every two weeks from their crush is enough to keep them hanging on. This is not OK! It’s 2016; everyone knows how a cellphone works. There are no longer excuses for someone not answering you.
If a cellphone breaks, there's Facebook. If Facebook doesn't work, there's email. If email doesn't work, USPS is incredibly efficient. But who goes more than a week with a broken phone? If a person doesn't make the tiniest effort to reply to your text, he or she isn't interested.
You're always the one traveling to see this person
Unfortunately, convenience is king for many people. Your crush might be really into you when you’re right by their house (especially if that means S-E-X). But if they won't shell out $3 for an UberPOOL, jump on a bicycle, or put on roller skates and hold on to the bumper of a truck to come to your neighborhood, the reality is that this person isn't into you.
Sorry. The truth hurts.
She acts two-faced
When it comes to intimate relationships, your partner may show you a side of themselves they don't reveal to anyone else. This doesn't mean that when you hang out in a group it's cool for them to act like a completely different person.
Your date might be more subdued when it comes to PDA, and probably won't talk about their Brady Bunch memorabilia collection as much, but they still should make an effort to show you they care. If they prioritize impressing their friends and leave you wondering what stranger you're at Chili's with, you should ditch them.
You've caught them in at least one lie
Trust is an incredibly tenuous thing. It takes years and years to build, and almost no time at all to destroy. When you're at the beginning of a relationship, trust is even harder to navigate.
If you're just getting to know someone, you may be tempted to overlook a lie and cut them some slack. But early on, what the hell is there to hide? Either this person is covering up an underground fight club... or they're just a jerk.
No matter what the reason for lying is, you shouldn't put up with it.
They pressure you
During the first few months of a relationship, the person you're dating might glow with perfection. A text from them turns you into jelly and your friends are exhausted from hearing you gush.
But despite how amazing things are going, out of nowhere the pressure starts. It might be to move the relationship ahead more quickly than you'd like. It might be to do things you don't want to do. When someone pressures you it means they don't respect you. Even if this is seemingly their only flaw, it's too important to overlook.
The person you date should have your best interest in mind -- and that includes respecting boundaries.
You've heard nothing about his upbringing
If you've been on seven dates with someone and haven't heard at least one childhood story, it's unlikely that on date 14 this person is going to suddenly open up. Mystery might be sexy. But being emotionally cut off? Not so much.
To get close with someone, you both need to share personal information with each other. That includes the unpleasant stuff. Revelations of the deepest, most embarrassing bits of ourselves are what create a truly intimate relationship. So if your date won't even admit to the terrible haircut they got in high school, they aren't worth investing time in.
They won't say what they want out of the relationship
It's completely fine if someone doesn't want a serious relationship, but it's important to be clear about it.
If the person you've been seeing says they don't know what they want out of this relationship, THEY DON'T WANT YOU. Time to move along.
This sucks to admit. But it's kind of like when you can't decide what you want to eat because actually, you probably just aren't that hungry. And if the two of you want different things, staying in the relationship will only turn it manipulative and crappy for both of you.
Whether you're dating casually or on the hunt for a true connection, you don't need to waste time on jerks. No matter how cute your date is, keep your standards high and your tolerance for bad behavior low.