Someone messaging you at 12am telling you to Uber over is probably not ready to be with you. Same goes for people exhibiting drug and alcohol abuse, over-reactivity (like how they behave if the server screws up their order), resentment toward all men or women, jealousy, controlling behavior, or an unhealthy preoccupation with sex. Just stay away from these people: Their problems aren't yours to fix.
Someone else's issues can't be fixed -- but yours can
If you try to change someone else, you're setting yourself up for a frustrating road. Instead, focus on what's in your control: the partners you pursue, and learning to open up.
The work of this starts by confronting your past. It's helped made you who you are, but it's by no means who you always have to be. Talking about the things you've been through (with friends, family, or a therapist) will help you make sense of the patterns -- and company -- you keep.