I Went Out Wearing Pheromones, and This Is What Happened
Pheromones, in short, compel animals and bugs of every ilk to want to hump. But would dousing myself in a bottled version of the stuff make me irresistible to women on a Friday night? In the name of science, I was determined to find out.
Before undertaking this endeavor, I had heard the word "pheromone" thrown around before but had no real idea what one actually was. My best guess was that pheromones had something to do with attraction and secreting a certain smell or goo or whatever. Then my pal Amanda asked if I’d be interested in wearing bottled pheromones from a company called Eye of Love to see what happened.
“It’ll be fun!” she said. “Just try it out!” she said.
So what is a pheromone, exactly?
Averse to being blindsided by this little experiment, I did some research to find out exactly what this stuff was before spraying it all over my body. Turns out a pheromone, by definition, is an ectohormone chemical; meaning it acts outside of the animal or insect secreting it to impact the behavior of another beast or bug of the same species. This is different from, say, a hormone, which acts inside of the body to change its host's behavioral or physiological responses.
The most common use of pheromones is -- go figure -- to trigger sexual behavior.
To demonstrate how pheromones can affect us, Noam Sobel, a neurobiologist at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel, conducted a study that showed men’s sexual arousal and testosterone levels decreased when women’s tears were placed underneath their noses. Apparently the tears projected the message that any chance of romance was off the table. No surprise there, amirite guys?
Anyway, the fragrance company claims to have harnessed a pheromone chemical that encourages romance -- and flawlessly integrated it into a perfume/cologne that attracts people of the opposite sex. According to its website, the goal is to "help Men and Women of all ages attract one another and enhance a positive emotional reaction in any environment.” Sign me up!
Amanda had already given the perfume a whirl and said she was quite popular at the bar and even got hit on by her cab driver on the way home. But an attractive woman being hit on was hardly evidence of the love potion's power. I had to try this stuff out on my own. Once I opened up the package, the first thing I noticed was how surprisingly good it smelled. Even if it didn't magically make every woman fall in love with me, at least I wouldn't smell terrible while suffering through another evening of rejection.
Testing in the field: trial and error
I decided to try out my new pheromones at a neighborhood bar. Backed by my million-dollar smell, I ventured out fully expecting women to crawl all over me. I noticed early on that I was being more social and talking to more people than I typically would. But without a control group (I was drinking, after all), it's hard to tell if I just felt more confident or if I was subconsciously casting a romantic spell over the room of strangers. More research would be required to know for sure.
I donned my pheromones again two days later; this time, out on the town with a group of old friends. But again, my rookie skills as a scientist meant alcohol botched the experiment. I woke up in my bed, alone. And massively hungover. It was back to the drawing board.
I recalibrated my experiment: instead of going out and trying to attract someone, I decided to be proactive and go on an actual date. So I hopped on Tinder and matched with a pretty cute girl. After messaging for a little more than an hour, she was already asking me if I was interested in meeting up for a drink that night. This was perfect! Only one problem: I forgot to spray on my pheromones.
The date bombed. The bar where we met was stiflingly hot, leaving me to sweat profusely through my jeans and hoodie as she repeatedly asked me if I was nervous and why I was acting so weird. Twenty minutes in, she suggested we "just finish our drinks and go our separate ways... I’m incredibly uncomfortable and I’m going to leave."
At least she paid for my drink. Would the pheromones have saved me?
It was time for a fourth, final attempt to correct my badly flawed field study.
The final attempt
I made plans to go on a first date with a girl I had been chatting with for a while. I was excited to meet her in person and was hoping for the best, so I made sure to spray myself down with sex chemicals. And lo and behold, the date went great! We had a really fun time. I wasn't sweating bullets. I was reasonably charming. And she even texted me right after I dropped her off to let me know how much fun she had. Whether this was due to the pheromones or my innate charm and ruggedly handsome appearance I’m not sure; but I was certainly feeling good.
A few days later, I had plans to meet some buddies for a couple of beers. I was getting ready to head out when the same girl hit me up asking what my plan was for the evening. I invited her along and she accepted -- so I threw on some Eye of Love. She came out and we had ourselves another solid evening. When it was all said and done, I politely invited her over to my place. She accepted. I’ll end the story there, but let's mark that night as another success.
Over the next couple of days, I went out wearing pheromones a few more times. I went to a club and had a team of girls dancing all over me the entire night... probably because they thought I was some big shot in the VIP section and wanted some of my booze. (Reality? My friends were DJing so I got hooked up as a guest.) Two nights later I attended a house party and noticed significantly more attention from the females than usual. My cold streak had turned red-hot.
Still, it's hard to rule out the placebo effect. Maybe the magical pheromone potion gave me a confidence boost women responded to. Maybe the stuff just smelled good -- and girls love a guy that smells good, right? Maybe it was sheer luck and coincidence, or perhaps I’m actually a really handsome and entertaining guy? Or, maybe this spray bottle full of science was actually changing the way people felt about me. I don’t know what the answer is, but I can promise you I'll continue wearing those ectohormones until the bottle runs dry... just in case.
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Tyler Lemco is a hunk from Montreal, Canada. He likes burgers, basketball, cheeseburgers, music, and bacon cheeseburgers. Feel free to flirt with him on Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media @tlemco.