Thousands of years from now when historians are trying to decipher our mating rituals by studying emojis in the same way ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics were studied, do we as a people really want that to be defined by the eggplant? We can do better. That's why we've created a thorough outline of all the emojis modern dating is currently missing, complete with clips you need to watch.
For when your girlfriend steals your hoodie
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a snug hoodie must be in want of a biometric fingerprint-scanning vault to store it in. And when that doesn’t work, there’s the hoodie thief emoji.
For when your date is seriously cheap
There are fun, free things to do out in the world that are a way better look than pinching that penny. Just a thought.
The receiving end of a "you smell" emoji is nowhere you need to be. Protect that textual reputation with Curve Fragrances for Men.
For when you don't want to upset your vegan date
You self-proclaimed carnivores will need all the hunger-satiating focus a slab of red meat will provide, especially if you're playing the adult version of 20 Questions, otherwise known as The First Date. Enter your new favorite distress call, The Burger Signal, because guacamole is essentially adult baby-food.
For when you've been stood up
So your date never showed up. It happens. When you have no words to describe your hours long wait kicking back gin and tonics and wondering how many times the bar will play "Don't Stop Believing", use this sad little emoji man to take the pressure off articulating your misery.
For when your roommates are also your parents
Numbers don’t lie -- a lot of us “youths” live at home. Nevertheless, spending nine months gestating in one of your roommates before actually rooming with them sounds like a second-date type of revelation.
For when you have food in your teeth
For all the times you come home from a date and find what looks like all the flora and fauna of the Amazon in your teeth, you’ll wish there was an emoji for that.