Happily ever slightly chubbier
So now you're sitting there, probably on your stationary bike, reading this, thinking, "Geez, if I had someone who loved me this much I would make sure I look great for them and stay sassy."
Yeah, well, you would think that, you kale-munching son of a bitch. But guess what you're actually going to do when the big "L" word smacks you right in your contoured face?
You're going to binge-watch House of Cards with your significant other until you guys can agree on whether you like Robin Wright's haircut or not. You'll probably decide you don't, because she's a thin, sensual, talented warrior and she just can't have everything, you know what I mean?! ROBIN WRIGHT CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING.