Sex + Dating

Fathers Give Us Their Best Dating Advice

Louis CK with his daughters from Louie
3 Arts Entertainment

Where would we be without our dads? Who would teach us how to make bad jokes at inappropriate times or crack our knuckles at the dinner table? 

Father’s Day is upon us, and it’s time to look to the men in our lives for dating advice. So, we asked dads -- young and old -- all across the land via email to dispense the most vital pieces of advice for everyone: boys, girls, teenagers, parents, people named Simon -- literally anyone.

Thank you, dads everywhere, for the words of wisdom. Don't ever stop doing what you're doing... even when your kid tells you to specifically stop, because you're embarrassing him. 

Tough love is the only kind of love

"That guy tried to tell me he knows more about irrigation than me. Break up with him." -- Josh, 55

“When someone tries to break up with you, you LET THEM.” -- Geoff, 38

“Never trust a boy who uses ‘hair product.’” -- Kevin, 35

Exercise caution and keep your eyes on the prize

“Best way not to be self-conscious, not to be grading your performance, is to be sincerely curious about the other person. Watch their eyes -- not their boobs or butts -- and probe in a friendly way. Can't hurt to do an online background check so you have clues about WHERE to dig, but the more you show simple curiosity about this person, the further you'll get. (And the less, I hope, you'll be keeping score). What's good, and bad, about the online world is that you'll have more than one chance to get to know this person. The first date doesn't have to be IT.” -- Peter, 75

“Well, keep in mind that the person you are dating MIGHT just become your wife or husband.” -- Dave, 67

"Has a sense of humor and makes you laugh. Yeah, this is #1. Has common interests but gets you out of your comfort zone on occasion. Is kind and considerate of others. Is honest and on time. Has initiative and goals- both short and long term. Can compromise. Makes your heart race. Is someone you can’t wait to introduce to family and friends. Doesn’t need to be mothered or 'fixed'.  Will do the dishes without being asked to do so. Has good close friends.Has a good relationship with family. Is trustworthy. Can lose gracefully. Has dreams and aspirations. Listens. Is someone others consider fun. Can hold a job. Is attractive to you. Is someone your dad would approve of." -- Steve, 62

Never give up on dad jokes

"Dating advice? Like carbon 13 dating??? Ha" -- Mike, 57

“Be nice. Stay friends. Then if it doesn't work out you can always ask her [if she’s] got any friends I could go out with.” -- Fred, 67

"Wrap it up" -- Christian, 40

Be genuine, be true to yourself, be cool

"You want the genuine dating advice or the joke kind? Ok, here's the good advice: take a girl out to the kind of place she's never really been before. If she's kind of sheltered, take her to a really cool dive. If she's kind of hip, take her someplace quiet and a little square but intimate, like a piano bar. You'll see -- if you take her out of her element like that, you'll get the chance to really talk to her, and it'll blow her socks off." -- Jim, 65

“For men who date women, be respectful, polite, personally well groomed, and open doors for her. For women dating men, be interested and interesting at the same time.” -- Mo, 68

“When you decide to get out there and meet someone make sure that you are foremost going out to have fun regardless of the outcome. If you are a genuine person and look for the best in everyone and realize that everyone has something worth getting to know them for then you will have fun meeting new people. If you are true to yourself and you are having fun girls are going to be attracted to that more than anything else.” -- Carrington, 28

"Be open and honest -- it won't prevent fights but it makes it easier to remember what you said." -- Michael, 63

Respect the nitty-gritty

"The key to a happy relationship is two full bathrooms" -- Eric, 39

“One night stands rarely amount to much more than a quick release.” -- John, 40

"If you like your space, date a spiritual girl. When she's alone, she'll still be with her favorite person of all time." -- Josh, 31

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Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist and father of a 160lb baby grown man also named Jeremy.