5. Get involved
You're in a sex club. So why don’t you go and have sex somewhere!?
In this situation, there’s no such thing as being an eager beaver (sorry, just had to). There are plenty of dark corners and couches, but all the prime real estate does tend to get staked out fast.
And seriously, bring your boyfriend or girlfriend to the sex club. There were plenty of couples, from 20-somethings to people in their mid-40s, being totally in love (OK, lust), roving around with eyes only for each other. You could see that the setting was putting a heavy dose of spice into the relationship.
Maybe this is creepy, but that was actually kind of touching.
6. But not getting involved is cool, too
Herein lies the beauty of Berlin: this is a city renowned for people doing whatever they want, without being judged. If you don't feel comfortable having sex in public, it’s no biggie. Hit the dance floor, hang out by the pool, and -- at the risk of sounding like your mother during a "birds-and-bees" talk -- do what feels right.
7. It's OK to be a peeping Tom
A little ogling at couples (or groups!) is totally fine. In fact, it can help getting the engine started for Rule #5.
But whatever you do, don’t make a big Broadway production of it. Don't be like that couple that sat right next to me (when there were plenty of other spots around, might I add) who started grunting, screaming, hair-flipping, and nudging me in the side throughout their ride toward climax.
It only lasted five minutes. But hey, nobody likes a showoff.
8. Be respectful
This evening spent alongside copulating couples, furry sympathizers, and masked avengers was one of my best clubbing experiences ever. That’s because mostly everyone seemed to mind their own dangling P’s and Q's. That lack of judgment, mixed with carefree hysteria, has made me look back on my night at a sex club fondly.
Well, that... and my boyfriend and I did have a lot of fun.
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Barbara Woolsey is a Berlin-based writer who’s going back to the sex club next time in a monkey onesie. Follow her lewd adventures around Europe on Facebook and Twitter.