Waxing anywhere (except the back)
It’s not that we don’t appreciate the aesthetic you’re going for and the trouble you’re going through. Women are well versed in waxing; be it eyebrows, legs, or our entire vulvas. Apparently the prepubescent look is totally in. But you are a man. And men have body hair. And it’s usually a big selling point for us baby-bodied females. Embrace your masculinity. Waxed arms, legs, and chests on men belong nowhere unless that place is South Jersey and your name is Pauly, Ronnie, Vinny, or The Situation, and you are on the television for our entertainment. (Ignore all of this if you have back hair. Also anyone who has ever heard, "Take off your sweater," when you were not, in fact, wearing one, may be excused.)
Using bar soap for your entire body
So that’s been on your balls. And your ass. And your face. It’s all very unsexy and bad. Consider a body wash. Not all of them smell like summer rain and nectarines.
An outrageous amount of pubic hair
We like hair on men, but, like, not TOO much. Especially if it’s poorly sculpted, '90s-era boy-band hair. But we definitely do love beards. But not if the beard is on your back. Got it? Nope? Don't feel bad. With women and male hair, it's pretty simple: we want it where we want it and we don’t want it where we don’t. Pubic hair on a man is not as controversial a topic as it is on women. We basically just like to be able to find what we’re looking for. If your genital area looks like Hagar the Horrible, it's probably too much.