Male Grooming Habits That Women Absolutely Hate
Listen guys, we’re sorry. You've gotten an entirely unjustified, bad rap for being "disgusting" creatures. This isn't necessarily true anymore. The modern male is up on proper hygiene and genuinely takes pride in his appearance, and we salute you. You've come a long way, baby!
Still, there are a few minor grooming habits that we would like to never see again. Ever. It's 2016. These should be off the menu.
Soul patchesI don’t know who sent around the memo that chicks dig a dude with a tiny, absorbent, square-sized patch of hair 'neath their bottom lip, but shame on that person. Forever. Nothing that is nicknamed a "flavor saver" should be on any part of your body. Especially not near lips, which we like to kiss. Nothing like going in for a wet one and tasting exactly what you had for lunch.
Too much cologneA little musk of man is definitely a turn-on, especially if we catch a whiff of it on one of our T-shirts the next day. That said, there are men who have completely missed the art of subtlety. We want to sense you are near, not be sucker-punched in the face as the insides of our nasal passages dissolve with the five-alarm fire you are setting off in your wake.
Poor nail hygieneLet’s start with fingernails, which are attached to your fingers, which you touch us with... ideally. Keep. Them. Clean. Don’t get me wrong -- it’s hot to be with a man who likes to work with his hands and get them a dirty. But whatever it is you were working on does not belong inside of me in any capacity. Clean your nails. And keep them short because, well, ow. Which carries us into toenails, body parts that ought to remain as inconspicuous as possible. No need to call our attention to your feet for any reason, so let’s also keep those puppies short and clean. No one is saying you need to get a mani/pedi (although that’s not the worst idea), but being on top of the situation will go a long way.
Chinstrap beardsWe USED to be into the Backstreet Boys. We are not anymore.
Waxing anywhere (except the back)It’s not that we don’t appreciate the aesthetic you’re going for and the trouble you’re going through. Women are well versed in waxing; be it eyebrows, legs, or our entire vulvas. Apparently the prepubescent look is totally in. But you are a man. And men have body hair. And it’s usually a big selling point for us baby-bodied females. Embrace your masculinity. Waxed arms, legs, and chests on men belong nowhere unless that place is South Jersey and your name is Pauly, Ronnie, Vinny, or The Situation, and you are on the television for our entertainment. (Ignore all of this if you have back hair. Also anyone who has ever heard, "Take off your sweater," when you were not, in fact, wearing one, may be excused.)
Using bar soap for your entire bodySo that’s been on your balls. And your ass. And your face. It’s all very unsexy and bad. Consider a body wash. Not all of them smell like summer rain and nectarines.
An outrageous amount of pubic hairWe like hair on men, but, like, not TOO much. Especially if it’s poorly sculpted, '90s-era boy-band hair. But we definitely do love beards. But not if the beard is on your back. Got it? Nope? Don't feel bad. With women and male hair, it's pretty simple: we want it where we want it and we don’t want it where we don’t. Pubic hair on a man is not as controversial a topic as it is on women. We basically just like to be able to find what we’re looking for. If your genital area looks like Hagar the Horrible, it's probably too much.
Lack of lotionIt’s not like you DON’T have lotion. We’ve seen that bottle of Lubriderm you keep bedside. Believe it or not, it can serve MANY purposes. Consider rubbing it on other parts of your body so that when we encounter each other naked it’s not like rubbing our boobs on sandpaper. Just a thought.
Picking thingsSkin, nose, balls. We see it. And then we can't unsee it.
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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist and still has high school flashbacks when she catches a whiff of Acqua di Gio. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter: @drillinjourneys.